Saturday, 9 July 2016

Things Bored People Say

You know those people who stand in shopping centres and harass passers by into signing up to World Vision and Doctors Without Borders? You know how 90% of them have foreign accents because nobody except backpackers will do a job that shitty? I imagine it gets pretty tedious, spending all day trying to engage with strangers who just want you to fuck off and leave them alone. I imagine that eventually you start trying all sorts of weird shit to get their attention.

As I was coming out of Woolies the other day, a young lass strolled up to me and said, in the broadest Irish accent you've ever heard:

"You look like a farmer."

My first thought was to respond with, "And you sound like a leprechaun". But instead, I opted for the much wittier, "Ah … um, thanks … but look, I'm not interested."

I give her an A for originality. That and seven bucks'll buy ya a watered down coke at the picture theatre.

4 comments :

squib said...

I don't know that 'you look like a farmer' is EVER complimentary if you're a woman. Do they water down the coke in the cinema?! I never drink the stuff but I'm going to be outraged nonetheless

Alex said...

Is it ever complimentary to anyone? Do farmers even like being told they look like farmers? I know plenty of farmers, but I don't believe this is something that's ever come up?

Any place that gives you coke out of a tap mixes it themselves; so they decide how much water goes in. I gave up on soft drinks a while ago, but I've had some watery ones in the past. Also had a couple that were made from really foul tap water and were practically un-drinkable.

squib said...

I guess not! It's ok to be a cowboy though and that is a kind of farmer, in a way

Alex said...

Hmmm, I think I'd actually take farmer over cowboy. I have a visceral reaction to cowboy. When I was growing up, it was commonly used as a derogitory term for someone who overestimated their own abilities to the point of being a danger to others.