1st drunk post of 2020

I've got rellies coming to stay tomorrow. It's going to be the first meaningful interaction I've had with another person since the start of the year. Feels weird. I went and bought some tucker and grog this arvo. Ended up having a few beers. Again, a first for 2020. Got quite a buzz going. They're only middies, too. I better pace myself tomorrow. Otherwise I'm going to end up looking like a right cunt.

Ninja is over for another year. After the regular season, they had a weird "State Of Origin" tournament, that was kind of a bit … meh; and then they had "Australia vs The World", which was just a re-branding of "America vs The World". Apparently, USA hosts an international tournament every year. It's a bit of farce, really. Since there's no international standardisation when it comes to courses, the Yanks end up doing the same obstacles they've done a million times before, while the guest nations are doing shit they've never even seen. Somehow, the Aussies still managed to come out on top. Oi, oi, oi (have I mentioned how much I hate that fuckin' chant). We really do manage to punch above our weight when it comes to sport, don't we?

Anyway, there were a few things about the international competition that I found strange. The first thing was the makeup of team Australia. Around 5 out of 7 of the contestants were top notch competitors that everybody who watches the local show would be instantly familiar with, … and then there were two random Asians … one of which wasn't too bad, … and the other of which was fuckin' crap. And the only thing I could think while watching them run around the course was, "What the fuck' are these cunts doin' here".

Two possibilities immediately sprang to mind: The first was that the yanks put some sort of diversity requirement on the teams; the second, was that they put some sort of Chinese requirement on the teams, so they could sell the end product into the Chinese market. Honestly, I don't know which one of these things sounds worse. I mean, there's no denying that Aussie Ninja is an overwhelmingly white affair, but really … who gives a shit? I'm sure in Japan, the competition is overwhelmingly "yellow". So what? Isn't that part and parcel of international competition? African teams are going to be mostly—if not entirely—black, European teams are going to white, South American teams are going to be red … or brown? … or whatever fuckin' colour they use to describe themselves. Does every country need to be represented by a multicultural rainbow of humanity? I dunno … it just seems weird and fake and forced to me.

But that's not the weirdest thing, oh no! the weirdest thing about the international competition, was that towards the end, there was this black screen that read, "Due to an ongoing legal dispute, the following footage has been removed". My immediate assumption was that somebody must have either gotten seriously injured or died on the course. 30 seconds of searching later, and I was kind of wishing that was the case.

Apparently, the bloke who was edited out of the final broadcast, was one of America's top Ninja competitors; a bloke who ran his own Ninja training gym; and apparently, he's currently in the dock, facing accusations of fucking some of the female students … who happened to be on the younger side of the age of consent.

Jesus Christ.

Okay, point one: Isn't it kind of Orwellian to just "edit somebody out" of a sporting contest, regardless of what they've done? I mean, it's not like he was molesting kids as he was running around the course. After all, he did compete, and the results of that competition were a valid part of that contest, regardless of what he was doing in his spare time. I dunno, there's something that doesn't sit right with me when it comes to this censorious/revisionist way of doing things? Interested to hear what other people think.

Point two: How many blokes actually find fourteen year old girls attractive? Seriously, I want to know. I suppose, when I was fourteen, I thought fourteen year old boys were hot stuff, but that was something I very quickly grew out of. I can't even imagine getting wet over somebody in their mid-teens, for Christ's sake. Look, I know the word "pedo" gets thrown around a lot, and teenagers are different to pre-pubescent kids, but fucking hell. Y'know, it reminds me of when I was pushing porn; "barely legal", and, "just turned eighteen", were things that you'd see plastered over tapes as a selling point. I suppose, at the time, I was a lot younger than I am now (and a fuckin' nihilist to boot), but looking back on it now, it makes you wonder … doesn't it … ???

… Just how wide-spread is this shit?

Anyway, that's all from me. What's going' on in your neck of the woods?

Fuckin' Cringe, Mate!

Had to go down to the shops this arvo. All of the banks in my area got rid of their ATMs a while ago, but the shopping centre itself used to have a generic "Redibank" ATM. The important part of that sentence is "used to", since it definitely wasn't there today.

I had to go to the post office while I was there, and took the opportunity to have a wee grumble about the lack of available cash machines. The woman behind the counter was polite enough, but I noticed her giving her colleague a couple of odd glances.

Odd enough, that as I was leaving, I decided to go back to where the old "Redibank" ATM used to be, just in case I'd missed something. Sure enough, the big black and red machine was gone, just like I thought … only now I could see that it had been replaced with a smaller, sleeker, green and white "ATM2GO" machine.

… and even though it had "ATM" written across it in gigantic lettering, the fact that it didn't look exactly like the thing that I was used to seeing, meant that—somehow—I simply hadn't seen it, the first time around.

I briefly considered going back to the post office and trying to explain myself, but concluded that would probably make me look like an even bigger lunatic. Christ, y'know, sometimes I cock things up in ways that actually make me question my own sanity.

YouTube advertising news:

Apparently, now there's a piece of rubber you can buy, which you're supposed to chew on, to exercise your face muscles, in order to get the definition back in your jaw line.

And that's not even the dumbest thing I saw this week.

Remember that feng shui bracelet I talked about? Well, I saw a second ad for the same product. This one was a woman talking about how she had to run away from home and live on the streets, because her father was abusing her. Of course, her life turned around when somebody gave her one of these magic bracelets, and now she's rich and successful—you get the idea.

The unbelievable bit, was that the woman in the ad was a white American, with a perfect Californian accent, but she was reading a script that had obviously been written by an Asian, who didn't speak very good English … and she was reciting it word-for-word, grammatical errors and all:

"When I am young, my father, he abuse me. Life is very bad. I experience much pain and suffer. So, when I am fourteen, I run away from home. From that day, I live on the streets. Many day, I am hungry, and I start using drug, such as heroin and marijuana."

Absolutely fuckin' hilarious! I can only hope this is part of a series, but to be honest, I can't imagine how they're going to top this effort. I couldn't, in a million years, dream up a more insane comedy script. My hat is off to these people.

Ninja Returns

Aussie Ninja Warrior is back on the telly, much to the glee of the Nibblings. I've also been enjoying it, but I noticed they've de-emphasised the "friends-and-family" stories this year, which actually kinda sucks, since I'd gotten quite invested in finding out about such-and-such getting married to so-and-so, and whats-her-face having a baby with thingme-bob.

The episodes are going up on the channel 9 website, if you're interested in checking it out. If nothing else, I recommend having a look at Ovivia Livian's run, as it was an absolute corker.