Day 304: Cop-out

That is all. I'm off to bed.

Day 303: Customer Profiling

I was on Youtube today, and I noticed that I kept seeing the same two ads over and over again. One was a dating site for metal-heads, and and other was for a job as a diesel-fitter. And that got me wondering what the Google advertising network's profile on me actually looks like.

Come and get it, boys.

Day 302: My big day in front of the telly

If you're the sort of person who can appreciate a "so bad it's good" movie, I highly recommend "The Room". Its reputation is well-earned.

There's nothing like immersing yourself in popular culture if you want to feel old and out of touch. These days, about the only time I watch live commercial telly (y'know, along with all the commercials and stuff) is during cricket season. And every year I come away feeling more and more confused and alienated. And then I come here to whinge. And you lucky people get to hear about it. Lucky you.

So, anyway, I spent most of the day watching the Poms beat the Aussies in the third game of the women's ashes … which I'm actually quite happy about. See, Australia have already won the first two matches, and at the end of the day, It's more entertaining for me to watch a close tournament than to see England get annihilated. Not that I thought they would get annihilated. Despite those two wins, and despite what the commentators seem to think, the Australian team has not been playing well. What they have been doing is relying on one or two players to play really well in any given match. No wonder they didn't make the finals in the world cup.

Actually, it might also have something to do with the Pommy wicket-keeper. Not only is she the best wicket-keeper in the world, she's also really fuckin' obnoxious. She has this piercing voice, and every single ball it's, "Atta-girl!", or, "Nice one, ladies!", or, "Beautiful, babe!". There were times when I had to mute the audio, just so I could get a break from it. It was worse than the bloody grunting in tennis. I honestly dunno how the other players manage to put up with it.

On top of that, they lost two overs from the game due to rain. Can I just say that in my opinion the Duckworth Lewis system for re-calibrating rain-shortened matches is a complete load of horseshit. Now that TV's gone digital, and every station has four or five channels that they can't fill up with anything better than forty year old American dramas and similar rubbish, there's no reason why they can't just extend the playing time. Honestly, who's going to complain if today's episode of "Murder She Wrote" gets pushed back to tomorrow?

Anyway, the breaks gave me a chance to flip over to one of Nein's other channels to watch some of the "Fast5" netball tournament. I don't generally care for netball—or basketball either, for that matter—but for some reason, I quite like this hybrid form of the game. Although, I've gotta say, I do find the uniforms a wee bit scandalous. In case you've never seen them, they're basically singlets that are just long enough to also count as skirts. I dunno if this is a marketing ploy to pull in straight men and lesbians, but seriously, if your undies need to be team colours, because they're so frequently visible, your skirt is probably too short. Of course, if I was young and super fit, I'd probably want to show off a bit too, so I dunno, it's probably just me being old and cranky. Also, I noticed that the players on some of the teams celebrated by flipping each other's skirts, which I think is classed as some sort of sex-crime now in Queensland. Just thought I'd point that out.

Which brings me to the low point of the day. The bloody ads. I swear to god, in at least 50% of cases, I either didn't understand what they were selling or didn't understand how it was being sold. "Chemist Warehouse" appear to have just edited together a bunch of vignettes of shit that have nothing to do with anything, and then slapped their logo on the bottom. Oh, and can I point out just how many ads there are for chemists in general. Chemists, insurance, and bloody banks. Oh, and fuckin' payday-loans; how many of those cunts are there now? Not one of the car ads I saw told you anything about the car; it was just a bunch of people driving through wanky surrealist dream sequences. And apparently there's something called "Married At First Sight" which is returning in 2018—and I don't have the foggiest fuckin' clue what that even means? Is it a TV show? Is it, like, arranged marriages or something? Is that what they've been reduced to? When I saw the ad for it—which involves people flying through the air in slow-mo while babbling about how much they believe in love—my reaction was to blurt out "What the fuckin' fuck is this fuckin' shit?". But the absolute topper was this ad that featured people drinking these comically tiny cups of coffee. I spent the whole time anticipating a punch line that never came. No, apparently it was an ad for some idiotic device which actually makes comically tiny cups of coffee. Either that, or I completely missed the fuckin' point. … Which just goes to illustrate my fuckin' point exactly.

Anyway, how often do you watch live commercial telly, and how do you cope with it? Or does it all make perfect sense to you? I'm curious to know if I'm doing something wrong.

Day 301: Not today either

Gonna hafta get back inta the groove soon though. I'm running out of days where I can get away with drawing ghosts.

Day 300: Yeah, Nuh

Just not into it tonight, I'm afraid.

Day 299: Some Halloween shit that's actually scary

Remember last year, when Squib asked why the internet had temporarily gone down, and I wrote a post explaining what a botnet is? Well, researchers have discovered a botnet twenty times larger than that one and growing daily. Who controls it? Government? Mafia? Lone hacker? Nobody knows, but this thing's big enough to do … well … anything.

Day 298: The Headless Jack-O-Punkin

… or sumfink.

Day 297: A quick note about Harvey Weinstein

For some reason, this just seemed appropriate.

I just wanted to put this down somewhere for future reference, while it was still fresh in my mind. At some point, this story is going to fade from people's memories, and my gut instinct tells me that the "official" narrative that will be brought up when people talk about it, is that Harvey Weinstein got away with what he did because of a "culture of silence", and that even his closest friends didn't know what was going on. Indeed, I've already heard this version of history being peddled by Hillary Clinton and others who would like to wash their hands of the matter.

However, in the last week or so, I've listened to dozens of clips that have been dug up of people talking about Harvey Weinstein's behaviour, that go back decades. It's been referenced in TV shows, joked about by comedians and talked about in celebrity interviews. In fact, many women have claimed that they told everyone they could about it, only to be met with the response, "Oh, that's just Harvey. Everybody knows what Harvey's like. Here, let me tell you some of the stuff I've seen and heard …". This wasn't a culture of silence, so much as it was a culture of acceptance.

It reminds me of Jeffrey Epstein, the billionaire financier whom—it is widely reported—likes to fly his celebrity friends out to his private island to have sex with underage girls. It's common knowledge that his private jet is nicknamed "The Lolita Express" and he openly refers to his adopted daughter as his personal sex slave. Epstein is a friend of both the Clintons and the Trumps, and you can even find old footage of Donald joking, "Jeffrey likes his women young, very young, if you know what I mean".

Of course, whenever the subject comes up now, they all seem remarkably ignorant of Epstein's behaviour. Not that it's something that comes up very often. Never underestimate the power of the memory hole.

Day 296: Terrifying Halloween Bat

Anyone who has any experience with bats will know what I mean.

Day 295: Quick & Boney

...

Day 294: Faun? Satyr?

Whatever

Day 293: Embracing Halloween

I'm known for being a bit of a grumble-bum when it comes to Halloween, but I figure this year I might as well exploit it for subject material.

Day 292: Our cousins across the ditch have a new govt

It'll be interesting to see how long this coalition can last.

Day 291: Something simple

Another night when I'm criminally short on time.

Day 290: *Sigh* Maybe being able to hear is over-rated.

Ya oughta keep ya fuckin' face covered, ya ugly dog!

Day 289: Ick

No wonder I can't hear right. Once I finish with this ear, I've still got to do the other one. … yipee.

Day 288: Side-Pony

If past ear cleanings are anything to go by, I can look forward to about another week of this. Might be a good time to lose the hair again.

Day 287: Fuckin' Wax

No sooner does the subject of tinnitus come, and I wake up with both of my ears fully clogged. Oh well, guess it's time to move the olive oil from the cupboard to the night-stand once again.

No, this isn't meant to be an endorsement for bloody ear candles.

Day 286: Happy Friday 13th

Do they still have school dances on black fridays? Do they still have school dances?

Day 285: Dream Journal

A bit of a weird one. Just a face leering out of the dark, being punched over and over again for what seemed like hours.

Day 284: I made a dog's breakfast of this one.

But I think I pulled it back to the point of being salvageable.

Day 283: What's not to like about Finland (apart from the weather)

Yes, I totally did this with my left hand, and yes, it totally counts as a doodle.

I've never been to Finland, and have no opinions on the country or the people; however, there are a few things that have come out of Finland that I'm quite appreciative of:

1. Linux

The Linux operating system kernel is a project that's been contributed to by hundreds of individuals and organisations from all over the world, but it was originally started by a single Finn named Linus Torvalds.

2. Symphonic Metal

Apparently, metal is huge in Finland, and it was the Finnish band Nightwish that kick-started my favourite sub-genre of metal music.

Yeah, pretty much all metal videos are pure wank.

3. Energia Productions

Star Wreck is a series of films that started off as crappy five minute animations and eventually grew into the best example of a completely amateur, freely downloadable, full-length feature film, that I have ever seen.

These guys then went on to make a "proper" studio film, called "Iron Sky", which is well worth checking out if you haven't seen it. Their Youtube channel is here

Day 282: Hmmm

I think I'm kinda happy with this one.

Day 281: And just like that …

… we're back to our regular level of shit when it comes to the doodles.

Day 280: Fuck I hate daylight savings time

In case you're wondering about the picture, I once heard that it was invented by the Germans during WWI, or something. Either that, or some Kiwi dreamt it up. I can't remember now.

NOTE: This is the first quick doodle I've done in ages that I was even remotely happy with. It's amazing how some nights everything flows, and other nights it's like trying to push shit up hill.

EXTRA NOTE: Does anybody know the proper name for those sticking-out-the-side bits that people had on the hips of their trousers back in the early 1900s, or what they were there for?

Day 279: Drawing A Blank

A fairly accurate depiction of what's going on in my head tonight.

Day 278: Stream of Stupid

Short on time tonight, so this one had literally no thought behind it. The hand operated itself.

Day 277: Something I've never thought about

Today I heard a bloke talk about how much upper body strength puppeteers need. As a guide, next time you're watching the telly, try holding your arms straight out in front of you for the full duration of the show and see how you feel afterwards.

Day 276: No Reason

Just felt like it.

Day 275: Madre Dios!

We might be having voting issues here at the moment, but just be thankful you don't live in Spain, eh?

Day 274: A short ramble on sporting heroes that goes off the rails a bit

Y'know, I never used to care that much about footy; not until I had little people in my life who live and breathe the shit. Now I find myself following both codes, plus the AFL women's league. In the past, grand finals were always the easiest games to sit through. I could put the telly on mute and chuckle along to Roy & HG's unique brand of commentary on ABC radio. Sadly, they're not doing it this year; which means I either have to put up with "proper" commentary, or whack some music or something on in the background. But I'm sticking in there. I managed to get through yesterday's AFL grand final, and there's no way I could miss the NRL grand final tonight. Not after last weekend.

I spent last weekend babysitting for my brother, while my other brother brought his family over to join us. So I watched both of the preliminary games surrounded by nieces and nephews. Seeing the Brisbane Broncos lose was no big deal. Nobody in my family likes the Broncos (A holdover from the days before we all ended up settling in Queensland), but everybody in the family loves the Cowboys, and when they won, the roof nearly came of the house.

See, the Cows weren't supposed to win. They weren't even supposed to make the preliminaries. They haven't exactly played their best footy this year, and on top of that, most of their best players are out injured. And this is what makes watching them such an emotional experience. It's like one of those movies where a team of misfit losers wins a premiership through sheer guts and determination, never once looking like they have the advantage, but always giving 110% effort, and just barely squeaking through at the end.

I dunno how true all this is, but I've been told that the Cow's work ethic and never-say-die attitude comes from their star player, Jonathan Thuston. Apparently Thurston suffers from some sort of inferiority complex, which results in him working twice as hard as everyone else and still never feeling like he's done enough. It's what allowed him to get his start in footy, despite the fact that initially no team wanted to touch him, because of how small he was. Whether all that's true or not, "JT" is regarded as something akin to the messiah amongst the kids in family; so much so that we sometimes jokingly refer to him as "JC". And as much as I'm not keen on the idea of kids idolising celebrities, I think they could probably do a lot worse than a polite, mild-mannered, down-to-earth, humble, bloke who embodies the spirit of hard work and determination. On top of that, there's one more thing I like about Saint John …

… and if you'd like to finish this post on a high note, and avoid wading into racial politics, I suggest you stop reading here.

I've never once heard Thurston talk about having to overcome obstacles faced by indigenous Australians, or anything of that nature. I'm not saying he never has, just that I've never heard it. And why is that important? Well, as I think all of you know, I come from a family that's "not quite white". Nobody in my immediate family considers themselves black, although most of us probably look a lot blacker than some of the "blackfellas" who get around these days. In any case, it's not something I spend a lot of time talking about, because … well … it doesn't matter. Australia in 2017 is not the same as Australia in 1917, or Australia in 1957, or even Australia in 1997. I don't have to "struggle to live as a person of colour"; I'm just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life, generally not giving a second thought to what colour I am or what colour other people think I am.

Obviously, racist jokes aren't going away any time soon, and if I get into a heated confrontation with a stranger, there's a good chance they might call me a coon or something; but honestly, that's some pretty petty shit to be worrying about. Also, there's the issue of poverty, but that's not really a racial thing. Yes, I know how the demographics break down, but still, I have it on good authority that being white offers fuck all protection from being cold and hungry.

But getting back to what I was talking about; having every non-white person in the media constantly talk about their "struggles with racism and oppression" might make for good drama, but believe it or not, it can actually have a negative impact on people. I've seen some of my own rellies get into fatalistic spirals where they can't see the point in trying to succeed in such a racist society, and then their lack of success becomes evidence of just how racist society is. As you can imagine, telling your cousin that they need to get the chip off their shoulder and their head out of their arse rarely goes well in the short term, and does occasionally lead to violence (although it can be a really worthwhile undertaking in the long term. Sometimes).

Ideally, I'd love it if the youngsters in my mob could go through life without ever having to think about their race; although, realistically, I understand that's probably just wishful thinking on my part. What I'd settle for is it just not being that big of a deal; for them not to have to drag ideas of race around with them like some sort of mental and emotional ball and chain, or constantly live in fear that the spectre of racism is going to jump out of the cupboard and fuck up their lives. And to that end, I welcome seeing them get behind heroes who don't bang on about it constantly.

Also, go Cows!

Storm v Cow