Another ASMR Update

Remember a while back, I mentioned that I caught an ASMR live stream; a naturally funny young lass from Northern England, who was struggling to make enough money to move out of her parents' house, and was discussing with her audience the possibility of increasing her viewership by taking her clothes off on camera. At the time, she said that she was going to start by making some videos wearing low-cut tops. As far as I can tell, she never actually did. However, she has just uploaded a video, in which she plays a socially awkward and religiously oppressed nerd, who is attempting to seduce the viewer—to comedic effect. It's still too early to tell whether this will be a successful tactic for boosting views, but if the responses in the comments section so far are anything to go by, the current audience are on board with things moving further in this direction.

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I've also discovered an Aussie girl doing ASMR, which, if it isn't a first, is rare enough that I can't remember ever seeing it before. She looks to be in her early twenties, her channel is less than a year old, and she's already jumped feet-first into doing strip-shows. According to SocialBlade—a website that tracks social media engagement—her decision to go semi-nude coincided with her viewership numbers tripling overnight, from 300K/month to 1M/month. And on top of what she's making through YouTube advertising, her Patreon indicates that she's also pulling in at least $2.5K/month from direct donations.

The other interesting thing I found out, is that she appears to be a fairly aggressive feminist. I suppose I can write this off as the naivete of youth, but does anybody want to have a go at explaining to me how you can be vocally opposed to the sexual objectification of women and societal norms pandering to "the male gaze", and also make a living selling pictures of your tits to blokes masturbating in front of their computers? I would be curious to know it there's something I've missed there.

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Finally, I was watching yet another ASMR live stream the other night. To give you some idea of what this one was like, the girl was a French Canadian with a reasonably thick accent, an unusually high-pitched voice, and was aged—I'm guessing—in about her early to mid twenties. At one point, one of her viewers asked her what kind of men she liked. Her response:

"Errr … I like … tall boys. Yes. I like, ah, very TALL boys."

What I find interesting about this, is that I think any time I've ever heard that question asked, the answer has always been funny boys. "I like a fella with a sense of humour; someone who can make me laugh; etc". Now, I don't know if that response comes from a place of true conviction, cultural conditioning, or just a fear of being seen as shallow; but the point is, I don't think I've ever heard a woman publicly admit that physical characteristics are at the top of the list of things she looks for in a man.

Of course, the reason I find that interesting is because I only recently spent some time looking into this subject and found that, despite what we say we want (or even think we want), physical attractiveness is what we actually go for (true for both men and women). And here's something even more interesting—for women, height was the single most important factor when it came to assessing a man's attractiveness. That is to say, most of us won't go for a bloke who's shorter than we are.

Which got me thinking; as far as I can remember, I've gone for a shorter bloke twice in my life, which I guess puts me, at least a little bit, outside the norm. How about youse mob?

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Despite the fact that a huge number of ASMRtists are doing everything they can to distance themselves from accusations of professional thottery, or just being viewed as servicing a bizarre sexual fetish; this thing—that I consume primarily as a sleep-aid—continues to provide me with a fascinating window into the development of young women, in a world where technology has created the promise of instant adulation and easy money for anyone willing to get their kit off. Like I said before, I shudder to think what I might've ended up doing if I'd had that kind of temptation waved in my face when I was that age.

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But since I'd rather end this post on a happy note, here's a link to a video by a young Scottish lassie, who does humorous wee videos taking the piss out of Scottish stereotypes. Enjoy.

Follow Up

A while back, I posted about a pommy YouTuber by the name of Carl Benjamin, who had lost his main source of income, when payment-services provider Patreon kicked him off their platform, after they found out that he had once called a group of far-right racists "white niggers".

Well, it seems that C.BenJamin has had something of an interesting time since then; and as I'd mentioned him before, I thought I'd bring you all up to speed. As a staunch nationalist and Brexiteer, he's been running in the European elections, as a member of UKIP. This has not been going well.

Apparently, a number of years ago, he got into a twitter spat with a Labor MP called Jess Phillips. Phillips complained that she had been inundated with rape and death threats via the platform. BenJamin looked into the matter and concluded this was a lie, since telling someone, "I hope you get raped and murdered", is not technically a threat. In order to test how liberal her definition of the term "threat" was, he tweeted at her the now infamous phrase, "I wouldn't even rape you". A large number of his followers echoed these sentiments, and this torrent of … um, abuse? … ended up becoming a (very) minor news event in Britain.

Well, it seems this (very) minor news event has now come back to haunt C.BenJamin, as his (non)threat has been the only thing anyone has wanted to talk to him about during his campaign. As one commentator put it, BenJamin has basically made himself the face of rape in England. Reporters have heaped scorn upon him, rape victims have come out to shout abuse at him, he's been pelted with fish and had milkshakes tipped over him, fellow UKIP candidates have distanced themselves from him, and the former UKIP leader—Nigel Farage—has labeled him disgusting, and stated that he warned the party not to open its doors to the lunatic fringe.

And amidst all this controversy, UKIP have completely tanked in the polls. I believe results are due to be announced tomorrow, but it seems like C.BenJamin's tilt at politics has not played out exactly as he would have envisioned it.

YouTube Videos

I've already posted a "Wednesday Waffle" for today, but I also have several weeks backlog, and I didn't want to wait that long to share these YouTube videos.

After the last commonwealth games, I wrote a post outlining my objections to having trans-gender athletes competing in the women's division. At the time, I said I thought the best solution was to replace the men's division with an "open" division, that anybody (men, women, and anything in between) could compete in, and a "biologically female" division, with strict entry requirements, much like the different disability divisions in the paralympics.

Suze suggested that one of those requirements should be a limit on the amount of testosterone in your body; meaning that even biological females, who just happen to produce freakishly high levels of male hormones, would have to compete against the blokes in the open division. At the time, it wasn't something that I had considered.

I've featured the videos of Noel Plum several times on this blog. Noel is a pommy fireman who mostly talks about atheism, sport, and scientific data. Over the past six months, he's spent a lot of time talking about trans-genders in sport, and has come to exactly the same conclusion that I came to.

In his most recent video, he spends an hour and a half methodically going through every major study that's ever been published on the subject. It might be too dry for a lot of people, but I found it fascinating. The most interesting thing: the conclusion he ends up coming to is in support of Suze's position on testosterone limits.

Check it out for yourself if you're so inclined:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwFZBG_ts4k

This next one falls into the category of stuff that I haven't mentioned because I thought it might be something everybody already knew about. However, what I keep forgetting, is that most people don't listen to all the same podcasts that I listen to.

On Sunday, Suze mentioned that I was one of the few people she knew who made a convincing case, early on, for why Trump would have broad appeal with working-class America (not just a handful of ultra-right-wing racists). I believe I said that if I had been an American, I could have easily seen myself voting for him over Hillary.

Well, I don't know how closely you're all following the Democratic primaries, but in case you aren't aware of her, I would just like to put Tulsi Gabbard on your radars. When it comes to the independent political commentary scene, she's currently enjoying support from everyone from the far-far left, to the far-far right, to the crazies in the libertarian movement, and everybody in between. Interestingly, a lot of that support is coming from people who supported Trump and now feel betrayed that he hasn't followed through on his promises; and just like Trump, she's somebody that I could easily see myself voting for if I was a working-class American.

The problem that she's having is that she's struggling to get any mainstream news attention, so a lot of her campaigning has been done through podcasts and YouTube channels. If you haven't heard of Joe Rogan, he has an incredibly popular talk-show on YouTube, where he chats to people for as long as it takes to cover the issues. Some of his interviews have gone upwards of five hours. Thankfully, in this video, he only talks to Tulsi for two and a half, but I think it's enough to get a good feel for who she is and what she stands for. Please note, I do not support everything she says. In particular, I don't agree with her assertion that putting import tariffs on Chinese goods could lead to a nuclear conflict. But I also understand that Hawaiians have been incredibly paranoid about nuclear attack since that false alarm they suffered during the Korean stand-off a year or so ago. Also, I find it interesting to see a serious presidential candidate being interviewed by a host who talks completely naturally, including frequent casual swearing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR8UcnwLH24

LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS

"Heavy Metal" is one of the few comics I still read. Like 2000AD, it's a sci-fi/fantasy anthology rag that's been chugging along for a little over forty years. Originally not much more than the English translation of a French magazine (titled "Howling Metal", I believe), it's one of those publications that seems like it has no business existing in this day and age. It's released on a nominally bi-monthly schedule; there's no digital version, meaning you have to buy a print copy; you can't find it in shops; it's targeted at an incredibly niche audience; it's not suitable for younger readers; and the original French version folded decades ago.

It has spawned two animated films though; one in the early '80s, and the other in 2000. Since then, there's supposedly been all kinds of efforts to get a third film made; however, it seems that vanishingly few people think that chucking their money into making a movie based on an R-rated comic book that nobody's ever heard of is a wise investment. That is, until NetFlix came along.

"LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS" is a series of animated shorts, comprised of unrelated stories, and showcasing a wide variety of animation styles. I don't know the exact details, and I can't be arsed doing any research, but apparently licensing issues meant that the show ended up being branded as its own thing, and not technically affiliated with the comic. It still carries a fair amount of the Heavy Metal vibe though, and comes off as being something of an animated "Black Mirror", only with more sex and violence.

It's also a pretty decent watch. Out of eighteen episodes, I think there was only one that I got bored with. The rest of them ranged from being "okay" to "really good". I would definitely recommend checking it out it you've got NetFlix and a few hours to kill.

Eurovision 2019

As far as the music went this year, I wasn't overly disappointed. There were a few songs in there that I absolutely adored—Slovenia, Iceland, Norway, and Spain, being the most notable. Of course there was a lot of rubbish too. You can see my brief opinion on all the entries below, if you're so inclined. Click on the accompanying image to watch the video for yourself.

Also, check out Ukraine's entry, which makes the Polish milk maids from a few years ago look tame by comparison. Ukraine apparently disqualified them from the competition for touring Russia. I guess Kiev is still pretty upset over the loss of Crimea.

Of course, that wasn't the only scandal. I was wondering if one of the countries was going to be ballsy enough to wave a Palestinian flag, and Iceland did not leave me wanting. Madge, and the bloke she performed the interval act with—both of whom sounded like they were absolutely coked up to the eyeballs, in their interview—also snuck a Palestinian flag into their performance.

The Israeli hosts were suitably cringe-inducing; the voting was hilarious, with the jury's verdict being the polar opposite of the public votes; for once, I didn't hate the song that won; and for the first time, Myf and the other bloke didn't give me the shits with their commentary. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty decent year. Looking forward to 2020.

All Songs 1st Semi-Final 2nd Semi-Final Final: In Order Final: By Points My Picks

Cyprus

The visuals were easily the best part of this one. The black PVC outfit looked cool, and I rather fancied those dancing cowboys in see-through shirts. The music was also reasonably decent, I suppose. It's just a shame the singing wasn't all that wonderful.

Montenegro

The most interesting thing happening here is that there's one bloke wearing a dinner jacket over the top of a beat-up old singlet. Apart from that, this is the blandest bunch of bland that ever blanded.

Finland

Not spectacularly brilliant, but a good solid effort. Easily made my top 10, at any rate. Dunno what's going on with the fading on those jeans though. Can't imagine any way you would get that from hanging them up in the sun. Does he normally wear them with thigh-high boots or something?

Poland

One of those songs that started off promising, but never really got out of first gear. Had some of the best costumes of the competition though, and the stage show wasn't terrible either.

Slovenia

MY GOD! The music, the singing, the language, the visuals, the style, the minimalism, the simple outfits, the lack of makeup, the intimacy. I FUCKING LOVED IT ALL! This has gone directly into my favourites list. Douze Pwa! Douze Pwa!

Czech Republic

I can't get off the fence about this one. It kept seeming like it was on the verge of getting good, but then it never did. In the end, it kind of ended up just being tedious and annoying. Definitely would have rather seen Finland go through to the final.

Hungary

Not terrible, but not particularly great either. In the end, I think some better-than-average music carried some very average vocals. A big "meh" from me.

Belarus

The acrobatic dancers were absolutely brilliant. Just a pity that the song was rubbish and the singer couldn't sing to save herself. I guess the audience must have got something out of it that I didn't, eh?

Serbia

A noticably better performance in the finals than in the semis. I get what she was going for … it just never quite came together for me.

Belgium

Ironic that this is called "Wake Up", when it was easily the most sleep-inducing performance of the competition. Maybe the title is meant as a challenge to the audience? Overjoyed this didn't go through to the final.

Georgia

What happens when you take a song, a singer, and a performance, that are all completely ridiculous and treat them as if they're the most serious thing that's ever happened? Why, you get classic Eurovision comedy gold, of course. Every competition needs at least one act like this.

Australia

I don't hate this song, but I can't shake the feeling that this is closer to being album-filler than a break-away hit single. I can't fault "Glinda The Space Witch" on the visuals though. A+ for style.

Iceland

When I first heard the opening of this, I thought it was going to be complete shit. Then I heard the chorus. By the end, I had completely flipped on my initial assessment. I absolutely love this; and love it more every time I listen to it. To be honest though, I dunno how much of that love is rooted in nostalgia. After all, it does sound an awful lot like stuff that my mates and I used to listen to back in the mid '90s.

Estonia

Ho-hum; another one of these songs that doesn't really have anything going for it or against it. The Eurovision equivalent of wallpaper. Next.

Portugal

I'll bet you anything this bloke fancies himself as being really clever and artistic, but in actual fact, he's just a dickhead with his head up his own arse. His backup dancer gets a point though.

Greece

I have a history of liking Eurovision songs that are sung by women with nasally and annoying voices. This was not one of them. Probably because I didn't much care for the music. The sword-fighting ballerinas were okay; they just weren't enough to raise the act above the level of mediocrity.

San Marino

Sir Hat is back! Once again, showing us what Leonard Cohen would have sounded like if he'd made disco music. While I don't love this quite as much as his first Eurovision entry, I still love it so much that I'm hoping San Marino sends him again next year—and every year, for that matter!

Armenia

I dunno what the proper term for songs like this is. It's the same kind of song you see being sung on every ad for every talent show on telly. And while I'm sure this girl absolutely killed on "Armenia's Got Talent" or wherever the fuck she got her start, I for one, have had an absolute gutful of this shite.

Ireland

No. Everything about this song—from the music, to the Hungry Jacks 1950s-themed visuals—was tedious and annoying. Just, no.

Moldova

Is this the third time we've seen sand-art done at Eurovision. Doesn't matter; I still think it's brilliant. A pity the song wasn't anything special. Oh well, I guess it worked well enough as background music for the real star.

Switzerland

This sounds exactly like every other song that Turkey has ever sent to Eurovision. I didn't particularly care for any of them, either.

Latvia

A slower song that was still upbeat and cheery. I didn't think it was too bad, actually.

Romania

If this song had been sung in a different style, by a different singer, and been accompanied by a less stupid try-hard stage show, it might not have been too bad. In short, all they needed to change was everything.

Denmark

This song was so sugary sweet, I think it gave me diabetes. Honestly, I kept expecting to see Big Ted & Jamima pop into frame.

Sweden

I can't criticise this song too much. Technically there wasn't really anything wrong with it. But I don't tune into Eurovision for stuff that feels this close to mainstream American music.

Austria

I don't know if she was nervous or what, but the singing in this one was just BAD!

Croatia

Yet another act that probably killed on "Croatian Idol", but did absolutely nothing for me. I noticed that even the gay bloke commentating on SBS was complaining about how gay the stage show was.

Malta

This one was a bit of a mixed bag. There were bits of the song that I thought were really good, and bits that I thought were terrible. The animations were clever and cute, but the choreography was rubbish. The singer mostly looked good, but wasn't really pulling off the PVC jacket. It's like the positives and the negatives cancelled each other out, to the point where I really don't know what to think. *shrug*

Lithuania

If this song had had a proper chorus it might've been all right. As it was though, it kinda just felt half finished. Disappointing.

Russia

Song was okay, I suppose. Stage show was better than average. Some of the rain effects were really good. I dunno; I haven't got anything particularly negative to say about this, but I don't have any strong positive feelings towards it either. It was okay.

Albania

I wasn't overly keen on this one to start with, but it got better as it went on; and in the end, I came away really liking it. I thought the frock was quite nice too.

Norway

Absolutely fantastic. Probably the catchiest song in the tournament. It's also incredibly rare to see three singers on stage at Eurovision that all complement each other and sound brilliant together. I dunno what was going on with the bald bloke though. It's like he had a really wide body with spindly little legs set about a mile apart, and he'd chosen to dress in a way that emphasised that fact. Very strange.

Netherlands

Better than a lot of the other songs, and probably could have been great with a little bit of tweaking. Then again, what do I know. Obviously a lot of people liked it just the way it was.

North Macedonia

I have no idea how this one did as well as it did. The music had nothing going for it, only really serving as basic backing for the vocals … which were also pretty shithouse. And it wasn't like there was anything particularly interesting going on to look at either. This one gets a big question mark from me.

Azerbaijan

Interesting visuals and a really catchy song. Apart from the fact that it was a little bit too repetitive, I liked this one enough that it easily made it into my top 10.

Germany

So, was this meant to be about immigrants and native Europeans setting aside their differences and embracing each other as brothers and sisters? Or was this just another bland pop song about love? I really couldn't tell. Either way, it was crap.

France

Projecting video onto the face of the singer at the start was a nice little effect, so I'll give them points for that. It didn't really make up for the below-average song though. Other than that, I find it funny that there was absolutely no subtlety to the visual messaging, and yet there was still stuff that went completely over my head. I get that the North African drag queen and the obese ballerina would have faced hardships in their lives that most people don't, but what was the deal with the other girl? Do the French have some sort of specific prejudice against thin, good-looking Asian women that I'm not aware of?

Italy

I'm not a fan of anything that even remotely resembles hip-hop. Having said that, I didn't mind the sound of this when it started. My opinion gradually dropped over the course of the song, before rebounding slightly towards the end. Just not enough to win me over, I'm afraid.

United Kingdom

This sounded identical to every other warbley throwaway pop song the UK has sent to Eurovision in the last ten years. I expected it to do just as poorly, and was not disappointed.

Israel

Wasn't my cup of tea, but I can see why some people would like it. A decent representation of this genre of music … it just happens to be a genre that doesn't appeal to me.

Spain

Easily the most fun song in the competition this year. Had me bopping away in my chair. Also had the biggest "What The Fuck" moment, when the bloody wicker man trundled onto stage. I still don't know what the hell that was all about. In hindsight, I'm slightly disappointed that he didn't burst into flames, but I can't have everything, I suppose.

AEC, ESC, GOT, OMG

So, we've got the Eurovision song contest, the federal election, and the last episode of Game Of Thrones, all happening on the same weekend. Jesus Christ; when it rains it pours, doesn't it?

Since I haven't got anything better to do, feel free to join me here, at any point between about 6AM Saturday and midday Sunday (Oz time). After Eurovision finishes, I imagine I'll probably flip back to the ABC for Insiders, before hitting the sack. I might also try to squeeze in an hour or two of sleep prior to Eurovision, but we'll see how that goes.

Speaking of Insiders, I caught it this morning, for the first time in a while. My word, isn't Lenore Taylor looking good these days? Malcolm Farr, not as much. Oh, and what d'ya reckon are the chances that Crabby Ann takes over hosting duties when Bazza McCraggyFace retires?

And in other news, I took the Vote Compass quiz over on the ABC website. Generally speaking, I have nothing but contempt for these kinds of tests. Most of the time, I want to give very nuanced and multi-faceted answers to the questions, but all they give you to respond with is a sliding scale.

Anyway, they have this map, with the major parties arranged in (basically) a straight line, with the Greens in the top left, being both socially and economically left wing, and One Nation in the bottom right, being both socially and economically right wing. I was way off in the bottom left corner of the map, apparently being socially right and economically left. I suppose I'm not too surprised by that. 30 years ago, your average punter wasn't overly keen on privatisation, deregulation, outsourcing, immigration, and pursuing equity for sheilas, poofs, and abos; so I guess it's fair to say that the political centre has shifted a long way to the left on social issues and a long way to the right on economics—and I just happen to have been somewhat left behind in both instances.

Interestingly, even though my map-position was technically closest to the Liberal party (for fuck sake), the website reckons my views are almost completely aligned with One Nation … Lovely. Do I even need to mention that it'll be a cold day in hell when I vote for that narcissistic, orange-haired cunt, and her pathetic little band of followers.

Have you taken the test yet? How did you fare?

The joys of apartment living

One of my neighbours has been ranting like a crazy person for the last week or so. I can't hear it clearly from my place, and I can't hear it at all if I've got something on (music, telly, etc); but every time I walk past his place, it becomes clear that it's all nonsense. Angry, profanity-ridden, nonsense.

Having grown up in the bush, I don't think I'm as afraid of guns as a lot of people are; but even I'm glad I live in a country where you can't just pop down to the shops and buy one off the shelf.

Personal Politics

Years ago, I remember, there was this bloke who used to come on Insiders; Mungo McCallum, I think his name was. Obviously I can't remember exactly what he said when he left, but I do remember it being something along the lines of this:

"The biggest change to Australian politics that I've seen in my lifetime, has come from television. In the days when people got their news from the paper, they read about the issues, and the policies that both sides were proposing, and based their decision primarily on that. But once television came along, people started paying more attention to the gut feelings they got from looking at and listening to politicians. Charisma, likeability—optics—became the #1 thing pollies had to worry about. After all, nobody wants to vote for a dickhead."

When Julia Gillard was deputy PM, she was quick-witted, charming, and engaging to listen to. She seemed like fine leadership material. Yet, as soon as she got handed the top job, she started talking like a grade one teacher and doing weird robotic karate chopping motions with her hands.

Bill Shorten used to sound like a decent sort of everyman, who was invested in the topics he spoke on. Now when he speaks, he sounds like he's at a funeral, trying to act sympathetic towards the grieving widow of one of his wife's workmates, whom he barely knows.

Look, we all know that this sort of superficial shit shouldn't matter. We also all know that it does matter. A lot. So my question is, what the fuck is going on with the Labor party? And how much is it going to hurt them, two weeks from now?