ASMRoleplay

Whilst doing research for my upcoming (eventually) post on the weird and wonderful world of ASMR, I discovered what must be the greatest "girlfriend roleplay" ever recorded.

For obvious reasons, I have little personal interest in girlfriend roleplays. Going by what I've seen so far, I can say they're only ~semi~common in the ASMR world; a lot of them are audio only—a bit like a one (wo)man radio play; and almost every single one I've listened to so far has been a complete ego-wank. The standard script goes something along the lines of:

Hey babe, can't you sleep? Here, let me give you a head massage.
…
No, no, you know how much I love giving massages.

*massaging sounds commence*

Listen babe, I know you're over worked and under appreciated, but I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you do. You're such a strong person …

*kissing sounds*

but you're also gentle and kind and I just love you ever so much.

*etc, etc, etc*

This one takes a slightly different route. I recommend giving it a listen, even if you don't like ASMR. At least until around the 11min mark.

Highlights:

02:29	Yeah, yeah, I love you too. Good night.
03:04	No, I'm not playing video games with you right now.
03:46	Okay, those buttons are too fucking loud, I'm sorry.
04:15	Turn it down. … Look, this is how tired I am. I know you can't turn down buttons. Can you do something else?
06:20	I have problems too, okay; and I need to get some sleep or else I'm going to be really fucking grumpy. You know me when I'm grumpy, so you don't wanna deal with that.
08:35	You're seriously going to eat peanuts in bed? No, put the fucking peanuts away. No, I'm not a frigging peanut. You know we have a whole nother room. It'd be perfectly fine if you went out there.

I fuckin' love the line, "No, I'm not a frigging peanut". I can just imagine it coming in response to, "You're a bloody peanut. 'ay? Aren'tcha?"

Hm, I guess sometimes it's just nice to be reminded of the things you don't have to put up with when you're single.