Thursday, 31 December 2015

Happy New Year

Well, 2016 is here already. Time to take stock and make hollow promises for the year ahead, I suppose.

This blog is now two years old. In some ways, I'm glad I started it around New Year's. It makes it an easy date to keep track of. I've just been for a wander through the archives, and while I've posted a lot of rubbish, there's also been enough quality discussion to make the whole exercise worthwhile. I have my three readers to thank for that. Cheers, ladies.

2015 was the year that I stopped being a chickenshit and started drawing again—but only with my left hand—so I suppose I didn't completely get over my chickenshittedness. Actually, truth be told, I'm not too disappointed with how things have turned out in that regard. Now I'm kind of curious to see if I can work my way up to being fully ambidextrous. I would like to see the work-rate go up though. My initial goal was one piece a week, which is not ambitious at all, yet I've still managed to fall way shy of the mark. I'm probably going to have to manage my time better and also be prepared to post a lot of "quick & dirty" sketches if I ever want to get there.

I'm also thinking I'd like to give this place a bit of a face-lift. I've got ideas for designing my own blog template from scratch. I'm also thinking this blog really could use a better title. Something a bit shorter and easier to remember, maybe. Ultimately, it'd be good to get off Blogger altogether; as of yet though, no preferable solutions have appeared on the horizon.

As for personal New Year's resolutions, I got nothin'. I live my life by to-do lists, so I mean, I've got stuff I plan to get done in 2016, but it's nothing revolutionary or life-changing. Have a look at the Perl 6 programming language, work on one-handed handstands, eat more fish; that kind of crap.

Wha'bout yous girls? Any plans for 2016?

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Nothing lasts forever …

I was surprised by how emotional I got when I heard that Lemmy Kilmister died today.

Motörhead was a band I had a bit of an interest in when I first got into metal, and I still enjoy some of their songs today; but I haven't taken any real notice of them in years and I certainly wouldn't call myself a fan. … However, for the last 40 years there's been a Motörhead fronted by Lemmy Kilmister … and now there isn't.

… and for some reason that makes me sad.

According to the report I heard, he died 2 days after being diagnosed with an "incredibly aggressive" form of cancer. Obviously, I've never died of cancer, but I can't help but think that sounds preferable to having one of those slow-acting ones that kills you by inches.

The video is supposed to be from 2004. He looks good for a 60 year old alcoholic amphetamine user.

Friday, 25 December 2015

❣Best Wishes❣

For various reasons, the family got together and had an early Chrissy this year, so I'm home alone for Christmas day proper. Not that it bothers me; I'm not sentimental about any of this crap. What difference does it make if everyone gets together on the 20th or the 25th? The calendar dates are all arbitrary anyway.

Anyway, our Chrissy was nice, if largely unremarkable. We went swimming and played footy and watched cricket in the evening; we opened presents; we prepared—and then ate—a stupid amount of food (except the men folk, who didn't have to prepare anything, for some reason—or clean up, for that matter). The kids were adorable when they weren't being shits. Terra was adorable even when she was being a shit.

Over the last couple of days, I've been working on my backlog of blog post, as well as doing a few other things. Bed time is now much nicer than it was … but more on that next time around.

Today, I went for a walk, and I don't think I've ever seen the place so still. Not a soul outside, not a car in the street. It was almost like something from a post-apocalyptic film. Not a trace of life to be found anywhere. I couldn't even spot any crows. In the park, I came across my old mate—the currawong—dancing across the grass, pouncing on grubs and insects, oblivious to the calm. I laid down under a tree to watch him, and he sang me a song. It was so lovely I can't even describe it.

I hope you enjoyed Chrissy as much as I did.

Love from Alex. ✘✘✘

Monday, 21 December 2015

The New Star Wars Movie

At this point I haven't seen it, and I probably won't. I liked the original trilogy well enough, but I doubt I woulda paid twenty quid to see any of them at the picture theatre—and that's the going rate these days.

So this is basically just a thread for anyone who's seen the film to express what they thought of it. If reviews are glowing enough, I might reconsider.

If you haven't seen it, feel free to talk about the old movies or the stupid prequels or the franchise in general and the weird cultish following it has. Whatever—knock yourself out.

Thursday, 17 December 2015

The Spirit of the Season

Does anyone remember that nearly a month ago I posted about how I had to come up with a submission to the family Chrissy card that my mum would accept?

Well, it finally happened.

It turns out that when I try to be fun and entertaining, what comes out is obnoxious drivel. If I really want to make people laugh, I have to write from a place of misery and frustration.

Can somebody please remind me of this fact when next Xmas rolls around. I feel like I probably will have forgotten by then.

Ta.

Monday, 14 December 2015

Because I know it's something you all care deeply about …

The first ever WBBL has started. And no, it's not a wrestling promotion for hefty ladies.

It's actually T20 cricket for ladies … who generally aren't very hefty at all. I'm not historically a cricket fan, but I did quite get into the men's T20 tournament last year. It's generally a much faster and more interesting game than regular cricket, and the organisers go out of their way to foster a light-hearted "party" atmosphere. Anyway, the point is, I'm happy to see a women's tournament getting off the ground, and I hope people can get behind it … because from what I've seen, it's going to need all the support it can get …

First of all, of the fifty something games that are being played, only a piddling eight are being televised. "Well Alex", you might say, "television stations have to think like a business, and airing fifty something games sounds like an awfully big risk". Well yeah, I could see that being a valid argument if it wasn't for the massive amounts of shite they're running instead. Are you honestly telling me that advertisers would rather pay to peddle their wares during reruns of Murder She Wrote? Fucking what?

Okay, so let's accept that for whatever reason matches can't be broadcast on telly … why not stream them to the internet? "But Alex, streaming and hosting videos costs money too." Yes, but you don't have to do it yourself. There's at least half a dozen sites out there that are set up to handle this kind of thing—Youtube being the first that comes to mind. And since Cricket Australia, BBL, & every fucking team in the competition already have official Youtube accounts, why not use the fuckin' things? To give the knife a little extra twist, you can watch video highlights of the games. Yep, that's right folks; that means they're sending a fucking film crew out to film every fucking game, and then not letting any cunt watch them. Okay, so maybe they're desperate to get people to come and watch the games in person; couldn't they at least put the videos up a day or two later? For fuck sake, is not showing someone something really the best way to get them interested?

"So what sort of coverage do they have?" Well, basically, you can go to cricket.com.au and watch every game unfold on a live scoreboard while a Twitter feed scrolls up the right hand side. Fuckin' riveting, I know. You think they could at least have a couple of the girls do a live audio commentary while they're waiting to have a go at bat, or something. Ya know, even fuckin' Twitter has it's own live video streaming service now … just saying.

On a side note, as you watch the tweets fly by, profile pictures of grumpy looking players with their arms folded flash up to let you know who's currently batting and bowling.

Maybe they're all just pissed off about how poorly cropped their heads are. Didn't anybody who worked on this know how to feather a selection in Photoshop? Seriously though, whose bright idea was it to have every player pose like that? In this age of social media addiction, I have to imagine that most of these women know how to take a decent selfie; why not let them have fun with it? Part of me thinks that one girl must have got stuck with the generic silhouette because she refused to look at the cameraman like he was a "naughty little boy".

In any case, despite all my carping, there is an up side to all this. If you do want to go and watch a game in person, there's not much excuse not to. Most games are being played on the weekends, admittance to all non-televised matches is free, and in many cases, games are being played back-to-back, so if you can't make the morning session, just go in the afternoon. The only trouble you might have is finding a single comprehensive source of info on which games are being played where, and which ones are going to be on telly. That brings us to the point of this post …

I've just spent my afternoon cobbling together a web page that should make keeping track of the details a little bit easier. Currently, you can set it to display televised matches, Melbourne matches, all matches, etc; it has a timer which counts down to the next match in your selected category; matches that are in play will flash; and when a match begins, it should pump out about 70secs of the BBL theme music, just so you don't miss the start (probably only useful if you're waiting for a television broadcast to start, but it works with all categories).

I've only just thrown it together, and the testing process has been somewhat less than thorough, but so far, so good. If you want to check it out, feel free to let me know how it works for you. Match times should all be displayed in your local time, provided the clock in your browser is working right. A link to the page is here, and I'll also add a link to the right-hand column of the blog.

EDIT: And of course, almost instantly, the link to the audio file for the alarm is broken. Fuck it, I'll fix it later. I'm going to bed.

EDIT: And fixed. For now, at least. I should also mention that an asterisk next to a team name denotes that they are playing that game at home.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Trigger Warning

⚠WARNING⚠
The use of trigger warnings may trigger a traumatic response in those who have been traumatised by the over use of trigger warnings. In certain situations, this may cause victims of trigger warning trauma to inflict trauma on the user of said trigger warning.

A couple of weeks ago this article appeared in the Washington Post. It's about how the price of sex in Greece has fallen from ~€50 to ~€2. The presumption being that austerity fuelled poverty has pushed so many women into prostitution in the last few years; competition has become so fierce that many young women are now willing to sleep with someone for the price of a sandwich. I have no idea how accurate the article or the study it cites are. But that's not really what this post is about anyway …

Much to my surprise—in the time since it was published—I've heard people young, politically-engaged, left-leaning women talking about the positive aspects of this story. That it's empowering for women to be able to "own" their sexuality in this way; and that for so many of them to see sex work as a viable option shows how far western attitudes have progressed. Oh, and that basically anyone who speaks out against this must be an old-fashioned, closed-minded, conservative, slut-shaming arsehole who wants to control what women can and can't do with their bodies.

I guess this is kind of a continuation of the post I did about people who want to abolish segregated toilets and changing rooms. Am I really becoming an old-fashioned, closed-minded, conservative arsehole in my old age—or is this line of thinking as fucked in the head as I think it is?

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

DailyMotion Test … aka: Country Continued

This is a Swedish country duo called First Aid Kit, which I've just come across while looking through Squib's recommendations.

Squib, I'd like to know which, if any, of these videos work for you.

Monday, 7 December 2015

A visual guide to Windows versions

This post is basically just a bunch of screenshots designed to help people identify which version of Windows they're running. Please note that wallpapers, colours and themes can be changed in most versions of Windows, so don't get too focused on the details.

Windows XP

You should already know if you're running XP. At this point, it's probably the most recognisable operating system interface of all time. If this is you, you should upgrade quick smart. Microsoft have officially abandoned XP and it's now full of unpatched security holes.

Windows Vista

You should also already know if you're running Vista—as it's about the most miserable experience you can have on a computer. Vista is probably the biggest turd Microsoft have flung at the public since 'ME'. As with XP, you should upgrade from this version of Windows as quickly as possibly—firstly because Microsoft will be abandoning it in 18 months, but also just for the sake of your own sanity.

Windows 7

7 is basically what Vista should have been. As such, it can be difficult to tell the two apart at first glance. One feature 7 has that Vista lacks (I think) is a little rectangular button/area at the far end of the taskbar which can be pressed to hide and unhide all open windows. If your taskbar has such a thing, congratulations, you're running Windows 7. It's probably the oldest version of Windows you should realistically be using at this point.

Windows 8/8.1

Windows 8 is distinctive in that it doesn't have a start menu. Instead, when you click the little window icon in the bottom left-hand corner, it takes you to a screen full of "live tiles".

8 was almost universally panned for trying to bolt a smartphone interface onto a desktop operating system. Having said that, I do know people who like this approach a lot. Each to their own, I guess.

Windows 10

10 feels like a bit of a hodgepodge. Clicking on the window icon now brings up something that mixes the menu from 7 with the live tiles from 8—sort of. There's also a secondary menu called "action centre" that pops out of a little word balloon over on the right-hand side.

Maybe the most distinctive feature of 10 is that it supports virtual desktops, which can be accessed by clicking the icon that looks like two overlapping rectangles.

And that's it. I hope it helped you work out what's running on your machine. If not, you can try going into "Control Panel" and then "System Information" or "About This Computer" or whatever it's called on your version. … Oh, and no, I didn't skip over Windows 9—Microsoft did.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Where The Fuck Did December Come From All Of A Sudden?

Yes, it's that time of year again.

Because it's so wonderful, I'm re-posting a comment that Squib left a year ago. It contains a bunch of gift ideas for spoiled little shits who don't need any more toys. It was a great help last year and I suspect it will be this year as well. Presumably most of it is still relevant.

Cheers again Squib

"Makey Makey is great but may be a bit pricey. A bat detector, do you have them in shops there? Also, John Adams Hot Wires Electronics Kit. Also, Kids National Geographic magazine. Also, things like den kit, sleeping bag, binoculars, bird and shell and constellation spotting books (suitable for Australia). Amazon sell Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck hardcover comic collections. I love Uncle Scrooge. Gaming mouse with fancy lights. Bike spoke lights. Hula hoop. Chronicle Books do various titles like 642 things to draw and 642 things to write about. Stop animation stuff like modelling clay, clay board and tools, book called Animation Studio, DVD called A Town Like Panic or some other stop animation, children's book Below by Meg McKinlay (LittleSquib is 11 and read this book twice), The World's Smallest Post Service DIY Activity Kit, totem tennis, bunch of stuff from Smiggle or Typo, Djeco do a great range of art stuff, Smart about the Arts do a range of kids books on various artists (for about 9-10 year old), Hot Wheels do a Mars Rover Curiosity... or you could just get them a surf shop voucher. Or really upset them and give them a charitable goat

Best educational apps? Starwalk and The Elements

But it's true. We are all drowning in crap and Christmas is a pain in the arse"

Monday, 30 November 2015

An Inconvenient Pain in the Arse.

Constant storm damage might be good for business, but there's no denying that—year-on-year—the weather up here's getting worse.

How's things where you are?

Thursday, 26 November 2015

A Little Bit Cuntry

Believe it or not, I've had country music on-and-off my mind ever since last month's Halloween party. Dug out a few old albums; even tried streaming a few of the local stations. Sounds torturous, doesn't it? Well, yes and no.

It'll probably come as a surprise—to exactly no one—to hear that I listened to A LOT of country music growing up. In fact, for a number of years, it was probably THE ONLY thing I listened to—y'know—products of our environment and all that. Now, I'm sure some of you are horrified by the prospect of growing up on an all-country diet—and frankly—I don't blame you. Especially if, when you think about country, what pops into your head looks and sounds anything like this …

… or this …

… which—let's be honest—are really just male and female version of the same fuckin' hideous song.

Oh, and let's not forget the Aussie equivalent, which is equally fuckin' hideous and looks and sounds like this …

If you listened to all three of those songs from state to finish, I'm going to have to assume you're some sort of masochist—especially if you watched the videos as well. Sadly however, that shite is exactly what you'll get if you go to your wireless and tune in any country music station.

But that's not how I remember things being in my day …

In my day, the undisputed king of country music, or as we called it—music, was the one and only Slim Dusty.

It's hard to describe just how big Slim was amongst certain populations at that time—so I'm not even going to try. Suffice to say that if you even so much as touched a guitar in those days, you could bank on the fact that somebody was going to ask you to play "Pub With No Beer".

… But of course, even the most die-hard fans need a little variety; so, aside from John Williamson who arrived on the scene in the mid-late '80s …

… American singers were also quite popular. For instance, Lee & Nancy …

… Kenny …

… Dolly …

… and—of course—John, Willie, Waylon, & Kris (who thoughtfully teamed up for a bit; meaning I don't have to mention them separately).

Okay, so one of the problems I have when discussing music is that I possess neither the knowledge nor the vocabulary to express myself properly; so you might have to use your imagination a bit here. What I'm going to put to you—dear reader—is that if you listen to the older songs which I've posted above, you can hear a distinct commonality to the way they sound—enough so, that you can easily see why they'd be lumped together under a single descriptive label. But I also put it to you that—collectively—they're different enough from the boot-scootin' abomination that is contemporary country, that the two groups should in fact be classified as two completely separate genres. I am therefore proposing that modern country be renamed to something else. At this point I haven't figured out what exactly. "Redneck Rock" is about the best I can come up with.

Whay say ye?*

*Okay, okay; I know that what you're probably actually saying is, "I don't give a shit Alex! Talk about something interesting!"; but c'mon, just humour me, 'ay?

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

I paid €20 to do this to myself—and it feels like I ate a bee.

A parody of the thousands of makeup tutorial videos you can find on YouTube? Whatever it is, it's one of the funnier things I've listened to in a while. The timing and delivery are better than most professionally made comedy sketches I've seen.

Having watched the video above, it may be hard to believe this, but that young lass has done a number of interesting and humorous little films on Irish culture, politics, and social issues that I've enjoyed (along with a lot of frivolous cruft, which I haven't). I dunno what it is about this one; it just kinda sums up my whole feeling towards the beauty industry, I suppose. … And can anyone tell me what that shit she put on her lips was actually meant to do? (I feel safe in assuming it's a real product)

Monday, 23 November 2015

Procrastinating Pop Music Monday

Right now, I'm listening to music and organising files while I try to work out what my stupid contribution to this year's family Christmas card is going to be. See, my big mistake was that one year I thought really hard about what to write, and—apparently—IT SHOWED. So now when I send in my contribution, the response I inevitably get back from my mum is along the lines of, "*tsk* Come on luvy, I know you can do better than that. *tsk* Why don't you write something like you did that one year? *tsk* Everybody loved that one, y'know". What I really feel like writing is, "If you really care to know what Alex did this year (which I can't imagine you do), you can look at last year's card, because it was just more of the fucking same". The lesson here, my loves, is that you should never put any effort into anything unless you absolutely have to.

How are things going with you girls? Getting into Chrissy prep yet? I had a mailbox FULL of catalogues EVERY DAY last week. I shudder to think what December's going to be like.

Oh wait—that's right—I was going to post the music I'm listening to. Does anyone remember Sophie Ellis Bextor? Pommy girl, dark hair, sort-of-squarish face, burst onto the charts in—like—2000, when she provided the vocals for this Spiller track …

… and then followed that up with this solo hit …

… before disappearing into obscurity. Well, she's still around and still putting out albums; and—truth be told—I really like the one she put out in 2011.

Especially this track …

… and this one (here—curiously set to re-edited bits of other music-videos … but in the wrong aspect ratio?) …

… and this one (set to what looks like behind-the-scenes footage … which works disturbingly well, considering the song's about some creepy bloke who keeps calling her up just to breathe heavily into the phone.

Enjoy.

Sunday, 22 November 2015

Super sexy soccer-inspired summer hairstyle.

Here's where I first posted about the haircuts that caught my interest while watching the women's World Cup this year.

Word-Processor Round-Up

Okay, since I got the message loud and clear that nobody wants to hear me talk about free and open-source operating-systems (unless you do Suze?), I'm going to skip that part and go straight to free and open-source word-processors. Hmmph.

LIBRE OFFICE - Summary: Top pick.

The gold standard in open-source office suites. It's a direct continuation of the largely defunct OpenOffice, which was a continuation of the totally defunct StarOffice, which dated back to the mid '80s. As far as I know, it runs equally well on Windows, Mac, Linux, & FreeBSD, and the project prides itself on being as compatible as possible with Microsoft document formats. Also, while the toolbar layout is completely configurable, I don't think the defaults have changed much since the first version shipped in 2002. So, if you're looking for a "retro" version of MS Office, this is probably as close as you're likely to get.

While I don't have this installed on my home computer or use it on a day-to-day basis, I have spent a ~fair~ amount of time with it, and like it about as much as I'm capable of liking an office suite. If you have to use a word-processor, at least try giving this one a whirl.

Download (~220MB)
BitTorrent

OPEN OFFICE - Summary: Dead.

The original open-source competitor to Microsoft Office. LibreOffice is where it's all happening now, so use that instead.

ABI WORD - Summary: Small. Simple. Nice.

The simple and lightweight alternative to LibreOffice. Note that this is just a word processor and not a whole office suite. There's no spreadsheets, databases, powerpoint, diagrams, or other bullshit here. It runs on Windows, Linux, & FreeBSD, but the Windows version is a bit behind the others. I've used AbiWord numerous times in the past, and might even prefer it over LibreOffice. It might be worth a look if your needs are fairly modest.

CALLIGRA - Summary: No.

This is actually the word processor I have installed on my machine at home. The reason for this is that it comes bundled with a really nice digital painting application called Krita. I use it to open MS Word documents that people send me, and, well, that's about it, really. I don't particularly like it, and wouldn't recommend using it unless you're a bit of a masochist.

EMACS - Summary: ♥♥♥♥♥

Alright, I know that nobody reading this is actually going to contemplate using Emacs, but I just couldn't resist. You see, I'm in love with Emacs—and yes—I would fucking marry it if I could.

Emacs isn't a word-processor; it's the world's most powerful text-editor. Some people say that title belongs to Vim, but those people are talking out their arses. Don't get me wrong, I use Vim all the time and think it's great, but the two don't even compare. You see, Emacs isn't even really a text-editor; it's an interactive environment for the LISP programming language. What that means is that it can do anything that can be programmed in LISP. Apart from writing blog posts like this one, I also use it for …

  • writing code; including (but not limited to) HTML, Javascript, Java, Python, Perl, C, various shell scripts, and of course, LISP;
  • taking and sorting notes;
  • writing email and other stuff;
  • a terminal emulator;
  • a file manager;
  • a calculator;
  • a diary and calendar;
  • a project planner;
  • a structured to-do list and personal information organiser;
  • and for generally keeping my life in order.

Oh, and yes, I also use it as …

  • a word-processor.

The neat thing about using Emacs as a word processor is that you don't have to stuff around, digging through menus, clicking on toolbar icons, and wondering "why doesn't this look the way I want". Instead, you use a markup language called TEX—which works a bit like HTML—and then "render" your document in whatever format you want (usually PDF).

It probably sounds complicated, but it's a system that works remarkably well, and gives you a lot of control over how things look … as long as you know how to markup your document properly. Which brings us to why nobody reading this is ever going to try Emacs.

You see, Emacs is designed to work with or without a graphical interface. Which means it's designed to be used without a mouse. In fact, it's designed to be used without having to take your fingers off the home keys. Everything it does, it does through shortcuts and typed commands. For instance, instead of using the arrow keys …

  • CTRL-F: moves the cursor forward one character.
  • CTRL-B: moves the cursor back one character.
  • CTRL-N: moves the cursor down one line.
  • CTRL-P: moves the cursor up one line.
  • CTRL-A: moves the cursor to the start of the line.
  • CTRL-E: moves the cursor to the end of the line.
  • ALT-F: moves the cursor forward one word.
  • ALT-B: moves the cursor back one word.
  • ALT-A: moves the cursor to the start of the sentence.
  • ALT-E: moves the cursor to the end of the sentence.

And this is barely scratching the surface of the surface. There are scores of default shortcuts and hundreds of typed commands; and of course, every shortcut and command can be re-programmed. Even basic key-strokes like "A" & "SPACE" can be re-programmed. They can even be programmed to change depending on context; remember, it's an interactive programming environment after all.

Okay, that's probably enough about Emacs. For now. Don't be surprised if you hear me swoon over it again in the future though. You have been warned.

Monday, 16 November 2015

You'd think I'd learn to just say "no" when people invite me to parties.

Hello, I'm back, and kicking things off with a spoOOoky Halloween themed post that's—what?—only a bit over two weeks out of date. This is probably going to be a bit of a theme around here for the foreseeable future, as I work through all of the notes marked "do a post about this" that I've accumulated over the last couple of months. I suspect I'm going to be making illustrations of things that happened in October, long into 2016.

In order to speed things up a bit, I may have to cut back on artistic quality even further. "Is that even possible?", you ask, looking back quizzically at some of the crap I've posted here in the past. Well, as you're about to witness, yes, yes it is. What I'm proposing is taking things to a Leunig or possibly even sub-Leunig level. I just wanted to put that out there, lest people think I've given up trying altogether. If complaints are forceful enough, I may consider reconsidering this approach.

And now, onto the subject at hand. Or not. Before we jump into what happened two weekends ago, allow me to take you back to the days before I had a blog of my own; when I used to hijack Melba's comment threads with my stupid stories. Coincidentally, this tale comes from (almost) Halloween of two years ago, so it's (almost) on theme. Besides which, it's important backstory for what comes later, so just trust me that you should read it first. I do know what I'm doing. Sometimes.

DISCLAIMER As usual, the names have been changed to protect … well, me.

🎃 27th OCTOBER 2013 🎃

So there's this bloke that I've done some work with and we're a bit chummy. Let's call him Marty. Marty's been with one woman his whole life. She has recently left him. Now he's looking for a replacement. In the meantime, to keep him company, Marty's rented a room to another work-friend. Let's call this one Sammo. Sammo swings both ways [EDIT FOR CLARITY: is bisexual] and has an incredibly filthy sense of humour with a mean, twisted, little barb on the end of it. He's also introduced Marty to recreational drugs.

Anyway, after quite a bit of effort, Marty's finally met a woman from his neighbourhood whom he considers a reasonable prospect. We'll call her Shirley. Marty's invited Shirley to a BBQ at his house. He's invited a bunch of other people too, but they've all said either no, maybe, or yes, but then cancelled. He's worried it's going to be himself, Shirley, Sammo and Sammo's boyfriend (Wozza) [EDIT: also bisexual], which would be awkward. So he asks me to come. I say no-thanks, but feel bad for the bloke, and allow myself to be talked around (It's a bit of a trip, so I'll be staying the night).

Marty puts on an absolute feast. Shirley turns up, WITH HER BOYFRIEND. There is one other woman there. I spend the whole night sitting between Shirley and the other woman—listening to them talk about their adorable little dogs and the pictures and videos of adorable little dogs they share on FaceBook—and then looking at pictures and videos of their adorable little dogs. Seriously. One subject. The whole fucking night.

After Shirley, her boyfriend and the other woman leave, Sammo and Wozza start absolutely taking the piss out of Marty.

Sammo: You reckon those two are rooting right now?
Wozza: You better believe it mate. Did you see the arse on her? I'd be hittin' that every chance I got.
Sammo: Fuckin' oath. I'm surprised we can't hear 'em from here.

And on and on. Marty gives a weak laugh, goes away for ten minutes and comes back smelling of weed. Sammo and Wozza continue.

Sammo: I'm so fuckin' glad I gave the weed away.
Wozza: Yeah, it fucks you up. Gives you all these stupid fuckin' plans and ideas that never materialise because they're all just fuckin' bullshit.

And on and on. I help with clean-up and go to bed.

This morning, I'm having breakfast with Marty and he starts asking me all this shit about "What did you think of Shirley?", "Do you really think she was that into the bloke she was with?", "Do you think she looked interested in me, at all?". I tell him not to be stupid and come home. End of story.

Moral: Fucked if I know. Be more forceful about saying "no" to things, maybe. [EDIT: If only I'd learned that lesson.]

Okay, cut to present day, and a few things have changed. Sammo has moved out of Marty's house, and Marty's new girlfriend—a woman whom we will be referring to as "Barb"—has moved in. Marty met Barb through Sammo. I will leave the importance of that detail up to reader discretion.

* Marty and I are chatting over work and Marty askes me if I want to come to a Halloween party at his place.
Me … Halloween party?
Marty Yeah.
Me … Like the fuckin' yanks have?
Marty Uh, yeah (laughs).
Me … With costumes and games and shit?
Marty Nah, none o' that shit. Just a barbie an' a few drinks an' a gasbag—y'know?
Me Yeahhhhh … I dunno mate. Y'know what I'm like at parties, ay?
Marty Yeah, yer great fun. C'mon. It's only gonna be us and a couple o' Barb's mates an' maybe Sammo at some point. Besides, Barb really wants ta meet'cha.
Me … … … ay?
Marty Well y'know, between Sammo 'n' me, she's heard a lot about'cha.
Me … Think that woulda turned most sensible people off, don'cha reckon? What kind of weirdo is this missus o' yours?
Marty (laughs)The kind you'll love, mate.
Barb ALEEEEEEX!!! Come have a seat over here, ay?
* It turns out Barb and her mates have things well underway by the time I get there. There's Brit & Beth, whom I don't get to know that well. They're on a bit of a different wavelength, I think.
Brit 'ja see what [insert name of person I've never heard of] put on FaceBook?
Beth 'ere, 'ava looka' this …
* Then there's Boo. I'm calling her that because she's a fat lesbian with a similar wit/charm/style to the Orange Is The New Black character. It turns out she's recently become interested in fitness, with a focus on strength and power training. She's already lost close to 40kg (go her). She's grounded and down-to-Earth. She holds her drink really, really well. I think we get on fine.
Boo I thought a fat skeleton would be kinda funny, y'know?
* Then, of course, there's Barb. Barb is, um … well, I'm open to theories.
Barb I don't think you're the only one lifting weights here Boo. My god Alex, look at these muscles.
Me … um …
Barb (shouting to Marty in the kitchen) Hey sweety, how's tea coming on!?
Marty Just making the salad now!
Me You wanna hand in there!
Marty Nah, she's right!
Barb Are all the decorations up out the front!?
Marty Yes dear!
Barb What about the sign!?
Marty Yes, it's up!
Barb You sure!? Kids won't know to come here if the sign's not up!
Marty I'm sure!
Barb Well, you were sure about the bloody rubber bats and you forgot those, didn't ya!? Why don'cha go out an' double check, ay!?
Marty Righto! On my way!
Barb (to me) Christ, they're only good for one thing, aren't they?
Barb You know you've got a really good body, don't you?
Me … um, thanks …
* Sammo & Wozza arrive …
* … and Marty serves tea.
Barb You put enough fuckin' dressing on this salad? Jesus Christ, I can barely fuckin' eat this shit.
Marty Sorry about that, hon', I apologise unreservedly.
Barb Don't go getting smart with me, mate. I'll fuckin' deck you.
Marty Yes dear, my lips are sealed.
* Of course, Marty has to keep getting up and going out the front to deal with trick-or-treaters.
Barb Oh god, this ice-cream's so fuckin' good. Here Alex, have a taste.
Me … Erm, I just had a big feed. Don't reckon I could handle dessert right now.
Barb Just have a taste, ay?
Me I'm right.
Barb C'mon.
Me … Um … righto … hang on.
Me Yeah, you're right, it's not bad, is it?
Sammo So, Beth, you still seeing Brian?
Beth Yeah. Dunno where it's going though.
Barb You fucked him yet?
Beth Nah.
Barb You gonna?
Beth I dunno.
Barb Christ, just get it over with. Once it's done, you can stop worrying about it.
* I get up to go to the toilet and Barb runs her hand over my hip as I pass. On my way back from the toilet, I meet Barb in the hall.
Barb Oh god, I love this song, don't you?
Marty I shoulda warned ya, Barb's got a real thing for country music.
Barb Excuse me. Did anyone ask for your fuckin' input here?
Marty No dear, acting on my own initiative.
Barb Yeah, well, ya know what kind o' trouble that can get you into. I need to take a piss, anyway.
* It isn't long after that, Barb passes out drunk.
* She doesn't get up for brekky the next morning. Marty says she isn't feeling well. Then he asks …
Marty What do you think of her?
Me … … … … … … Well … it's hard to judge someone when you've only met them once … when they were on the piss …
Marty Yeah, but still, whaddya reckon?
Me … … … She seems like … quite a character.
Marty Yeah (laughs) she's certainly that all right.

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Misery Loves Company

If you've been on a bit of an uncharacteristic high-note lately, and you're looking for a diversion that'll help you feel crappy about the world again—never fear—Aunty Alex has you covered.

MATRIOSHKI (SBS TV)

Several years ago, I recorded this series off SBS, watched a couple of episodes, and then said to myself, "I must sit down and watch the rest of this when I have time". Well, I still haven't gotten around to it, But I noticed that every episode is currently up on the SBS website. And yes, I'm recommending a show I haven't seen that much of, but the little bit I did see seemed really gripping. Of course, it might just be me. You see, it's a drama about the present-day slave trade in Europe—with women flowing from East to West—and modern slavery has long been one of the topics that push my buttons.

Anyway, check it out; I'm sure it won't take too long to suss out whether or not it's your cup of tea.

BONUS: This one's mainly for Melba, but I see SBS also a Canadian documentary up called The Truth About Female Desire. Part of me hopes it's nothing more that two hours of ladies sitting around a lounge-room, politely discussing who the hottest ice-hockey players are. "Phwoar, he could park his skates under my bed any day of the week, eh?"

INSIDE THE MATILDAS' STRIKE (ABC RADIO)

This is a short documentary on what's happening with women's soccer at the moment. You can stream it:

Or download the mp3 to play on the device of your choosing. And if you don't like listening to things, I've included the entire transcript, colour-coded to reflect my feelings while listening:

Sarah Dingle: They're the best side, male or female, that Australia has ever produced in the roundball game.

Ranked in the world's top ten, this year the Matildas became the first Australian team to win a knockout stage at the World Cup.

Now the Matildas are also the first national team in history to go on strike.

Teresa Polias: We're not asking for millions of dollars. We're asking for minimum wage to sustain our lives off the pitch to do well on it. It's as simple as that.

Sarah Dingle: In football the gender pay gap is a yawning chasm. So far this year a Socceroo playing in all matches for their country has earned about seven and a half times more than a Matilda doing the same. But in sporting terms, the women are streets ahead of the men.

Who's going to be first to hoist a World Cup for Australia, the Matildas or the Socceroos?

Heather Reid: The Matildas.

Sarah Dingle: The women say, for far too long they've had to sacrifice far too much to play for their country.

Joey Peters: So I was the vice-captain of Matildas lining up for Centrelink. Let me tell you, the captain of Matildas was as well.

Sarah Dingle: Now the poor pay had led one of the team's most experienced players to call time.

Melissa Barbieri: You get asked the question from your partner, 'At what point is enough enough?'

Sarah Dingle: Former captain Melissa Barbieri has had enough. She's retiring from the Matildas.

I'm Sarah Dingle, and on Background Briefing today, the women's strike and the beautiful game gets ugly.

It's a sunny day in the school holidays. At a field in Sydney's inner west, about 30 girls aged 8 to 15 are chasing their dreams.

This is an all-girl football development clinic. 13-year-old Annabel knows what she wants; she wants to be a Matilda.

Annabel: I would love to play for the Matildas, it's been my dream since I was four years old and my mum showed me a game of them playing and it was just amazing.

Sarah Dingle: You remember that?

Annabel: Yep, it was the first time I've ever seen someone play soccer, women play soccer.

Sarah Dingle: 14-year-old Mia has the same dream.

Mia: It's what I really want to do with my life, I really want to try and get there, that's my goal.

Sarah Dingle: To be a Matilda?

Mia: Yep.

Sarah Dingle: But already that dream has lost some of its shine.

Mia: The Matildas' World Cup campaign has been amazing, but it's not really recognised as what it should be. It's just, they went really far, they did amazing, they scored great goals, it was really good play.

Sarah Dingle: Do you worry about how much they get paid and how much female footballers get paid?

Mia: Yeah, it doesn't seem to be very much and sometimes it's like, well, if I want to do that professionally how am I gonna make a living out of it?

Sarah Dingle: It's a good question. Until now the answer has been: you can't.

There are around 20-odd contracts available for the Matildas, each lasting six months. In a full contracted year some players earn just $21,000, two-thirds of the current minimum wage. Officially, being a Matilda is just a part-time job.

In June the Matildas became Australia's most successful side ever, making it through the knockout stage of a World Cup. They did it by beating powerhouse Brazil.

Midfielder Katrina Gorry was overwhelmed.

Katrina Gorry: It was kind of a surreal moment, I just couldn't believe that I was actually there. It's always something that I've dreamt of but I didn't think it would come so soon. And just the whole atmosphere…it was a pretty awesome experience.

Sarah Dingle: Katrina Gorry had given up her second job in a café to train and play at the World Cup. But back home there was a rude awakening. Negotiations over the Matildas' pay had stalled.

In July, just after the World Cup, their contracts ran out, and so did the money, says Matilda Tameka Butt.

Tameka Butt: We normally get paid on the 7th of that month. So we were paid for that month and then the contract terminated on the 31st.

Sarah Dingle: The team's Collective Bargaining Agreement, which sets pay rates, had expired. Tameka Butt says their next payment never showed up.

Tameka Butt: Players asked questions and I'm not entirely sure who got the first response from FFA but it was through email and it just basically said that the CBA is obviously expired and so is our contracts. There wasn't any promise of the future or mention of what was going to happen.

Sarah Dingle: Then Katrina Gorry says there was a flurry of texts and calls, as the Matildas went straight from a World Cup campaign into an industrial one.

Katrina Gorry: We were on the phone to each other constantly, conference calls, messaging, we all got everyone's input and, yeah, ended up all agreeing that it was going to take a strike.

Sarah Dingle: 25-year-old Matilda Teresa Polias has a full-time job as a primary school teacher.

Teresa Polias: We're not asking for millions of dollars, we're asking for minimum wage to sustain our lives off the pitch to do well on it. It's as simple as that.

Sarah Dingle: Despite part-time pay rates, from January the Matildas went into full-time training for the World Cup. Those who had second jobs to make ends meet had to give them up.

Teresa Polias relied on the goodwill of her school to be able to take six months' unpaid leave for World Cup preparations.

Teresa Polias: It's a once in a lifetime opportunity possibly, and my workplace knew exactly how much it meant to me and I was willing to do anything to get there, and I did. Had it been another six months of prep and full-time on the same salary, it's hands down unachievable, unsustainable, and no chance I could ever have kept going.

Sarah Dingle: For those on a basic Matildas contract, that works out around $80 a day, for six months.

Teresa Polias says the players should be recognised as full-time and paid at least the minimum wage.

Teresa Polias: We just had a World Cup, we were very successful, what more do we need to show? We've shown we've got the potential to be up there with the world's best, we are, and now it's time for them to treat us like that I think.

Sarah Dingle: As part of their strike action, early last month the Matildas announced they would not get on a plane to play two games against the United States.

I meet Matilda Teresa Polias the day the team was supposed to land in the US.

Teresa Polias: You know, you've got to make big decisions sometimes for change and I think this is one of them. It hurts but it's something we've just had to do at this point in time.

Sarah Dingle: In any sport, giving up an international tour is drastic action. But the Matildas ditching two international games on the eve of Olympics qualifying rounds appeared to some to be utterly insane.

60,000 tickets had already been sold to the US v Australia matches. Football Federation of Australia's CEO, David Gallop, wasn't impressed.

David Gallop: This is an opportunity for the Matildas to play the world champions. We all celebrated their success in Canada, this was really a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, 60,000 tickets have been sold. For them to get caught up in wage claims for our male professional players, to me is bizarre. They should be on that plane, they should be celebrated, and they should have been in a position where they could be paid. To me it's nonsense.

Sarah Dingle: David Gallop says what's really going on is that the Matildas are being used by the union the PFA to further the claims of male professional players.

Around the same time the Matildas' collective bargaining agreement expired, so did the Socceroos'. The national men's league, the A-League, was also in dispute with the FFA over their salary cap. But only the Matildas went on strike.

David Gallop: Effectively we've been told that unless we meet a wage claim for $120 million dollars, the bulk of which will go to male professional players in the next four-year period, then the Matildas would not be participating against the USA.

Sarah Dingle: David Gallop says the Matildas shouldn't have gone on strike.

Saying that they got caught up in something that they shouldn't have been caught up in, the Matildas I've spoken to have all been very, very certain of their reasons for doing this. Is that perhaps a bit patronising, saying they don't understand what they're doing?

David Gallop: No, I said they got caught up in something that I don't think they needed to get caught up in, Sarah.

Sarah Dingle: The Matildas hadn't been paid for months, but they held firm.

Tameka Butt says there's no confusion about what they're doing.

Tameka Butt: We've got a plan. We have a strategy and we know that what we're fighting for is fair. It's nothing crazy. I think everyone else would agree who's been made aware of the Matildas' situation and how we're unemployed and all of the above, but it's definitely collective. If anything, the men have really got behind us and are helping us through this first part of the process. We're one big team.

Sarah Dingle: If this is a collective action and the boys are behind this just as much as you, why aren't the men on strike?

Tameka Butt: I think it comes down to timing and we want to give FFA the time of day to present us with something or even have an open-minded conversation and negotiation process with us. So it's just timing. And you don't want to shut the door on FFA too early, but it has been a slow process so far. The boys are more than willing to kick it up a notch if that comes to it.

Sarah Dingle: The captain of the A-League team Adelaide United, Bruce Djite, is also a former Socceroo. I asked him why only the women went on strike.

Bruce Djite: The Matildas' scenario, the Matildas' circumstances, are much, much, much worse than the Socceroos' circumstances, both financially and when it comes to conditions. Hence the actions of the Matildas being so drastic.

Sarah Dingle: But the A-League, the Socceroos, and the Matildas were all in the same 'Whole of Game' pay dispute with the FFA.

Why don't the men from the A-League go on strike in support of the Matildas, if not for themselves?

Bruce Djite: All three parties are in it together, so of course it's something we'd do to help them, but at this minute it's nowhere near that stage yet. It's not something that's been discussed.

Sarah Dingle: The FFA says it only has around $30 million to pay the Matildas and the men.

David Gallop says for the women to get more, the men have to take less.

David Gallop: You've got to remember here what we're dealing with is three buckets of money; the Matildas, the A-League and the Socceroos. If money comes out of one bucket and goes into another there's less for that bucket.

Sarah Dingle: The FFA's approach is akin to divide and conquer.

David Gallop: The Matildas' cut of that pie is a small amount and we want to see that grow. But while ever there are calls for increases in the other two buckets, it's very difficult to make even more lift to the third bucket.

Sarah Dingle: I ask Bruce Djite if the men would give up cash for the women.

So if it comes down to it, if there's a finite pool of money, in the best interests of growing the game, would you personally be okay with the A-League dropping some of its demands so that the Matildas can get paid the minimum wage?

Bruce Djite: Well, as I explained earlier, the difficulty with that would be you're taking money from other people who deserve their income also. Then you've got to ask yourself, is it fair to take money from someone who deserves every cent that they're earning, to give money to someone who deserves more than what they're earning? That's an ethical dilemma if I've ever come across one.

Sarah Dingle: After almost a month of strike, the Matildas have suspended industrial action, saying behind closed doors CBA negotiations have taken a positive turn.

And FFA CEO David Gallop has confirmed to Background Briefing that it looks like the base Matildas contract will be lifted to be equal to the Australian minimum wage.

David Gallop: That would be for the bottom tier and there will be a higher tier as well.

Sarah Dingle: David Gallop denies that it took a strike to get a pay rise.

Sarah Dingle: Has it taken the strike to get to this, to get them to a base rate of $34,000?

David Gallop: No, disappointingly not. This is a deal that was always available and should have been accepted so the US tour went ahead.

Sarah Dingle: The Matildas dispute that claim. And without any deal signed, it's unclear at what point that extra money would kick in. David Gallop says the days of Matildas waiting tables may not be over.

Do you expect that Matildas will continue to have part-time jobs in other industries after the conclusion of this CBA, will that still be necessary?

David Gallop: Potentially. One of the things about the Matildas program, particularly in the last 12 months, is that we have invested a lot of money, over $2 million, to ensure that they are well prepared and that they have plenty of time in full-time camps, but there will be whole periods when they're not expected to be in camp and therefore I would expect some of them will look to get some part-time employment. That's a fact of life.

Sarah Dingle: The facts of life for a Socceroo are very different.

A Socceroo who was part of January's Asian Cup squad and played all Socceroo games so far this year, will have already earned more than $200,000 in 2015. That's before you include any lucrative contracts with overseas clubs. The FFA also provides the Socceroos business class flights, 5-star accommodation, travel discounts for their families and even free wifi.

The Socceroos currently rank 58th in the world, while the Matildas are 9th.

A former FFA executive, Bonita Mersiades knows where the Matildas' extra money should come from. She says the Socceroos are one of the best-paid national teams around the globe.

Bonita Mersiades: If you look at any objective measure of what the Socceroos receive now, it's hard to see that they do need an increase. Amongst international players playing for national teams, they are amongst the highest paid players around.

Sarah Dingle: Do you think that the FFA is fully focused on developing the Matildas' program, or do they always run a distant second to the A-League or the Socceroos?

Bonita Mersiades: I think generally, traditionally speaking the Matildas have run a distant second, and that's because the conventional wisdom certainly ten years ago and even before that was that the cash cow for the game was the Socceroos.

Sarah Dingle: The Socceroos can flog tens of thousands of match tickets, shift merchandise, and have an official breakfast cereal, Weet-Bix. But Bonita Mersiades thinks the Matildas could do all that too.

Bonita Mersiades: I find it curious that there's no money in women's football. Women are 52% of the population. The fastest growing team sport for girls aged 5-14 years in Australia is women's football, and then if you look at adult women as well it's also a very popular sport, both the indoor and outdoor form of the game, so I would've thought that there was scope to attract investors or sponsors or partners into the women's game who can actually say, 'This is for the development of the women's game and to help support both the W-League and the Matildas.'

Sarah Dingle: The W-League is the national women's league and, unless they're given special permission, all Matildas are required to play in it.

Tonight Sydney FC's W-League side are playing the Illawarra Stingrays. In the stands I meet women's game devotees Denise, Maggie, and Elle. They say you've got to work hard to be a Matildas fan.

Elle: I think an untapped market though is the merchandise, it's very difficult to find merchandise for the Matildas.

Maggie: I've been on the lookout for years for a Matildas scarf. I saw a picture of one in 2010 and I've been looking for one since then, and just this year for the World Cup they brought out a Matildas scarf and I bought it as soon as I found out about it, but that was something I was looking for for five years and they just weren't selling it. And I would have bought it for a lot more than they sold it for too. I think there's a market there that I think they underestimate.

It's a struggle and you still can't buy a Matildas away jersey. They sell a home and away Australia jersey, they don't sell the women's cut in the away jersey. And even up until just before the Wold Cup, if you were buying a Matildas jersey from the FFA store, it was sold as a women's cut Socceroos jersey. It's not even, like they're not marketing it to the women or for the women's team.

Sarah Dingle: They just assume that women are going to support the Socceroos?

Maggie: Exactly.

Sarah Dingle: It's a source of ongoing frustration for former Matilda Joey Peters, who says the Matildas' profitability has never really been explored.

Joey Peters: They're not marketed in the same way. Until the Matildas are put on Weet-Bix packages or have banners around the country, or are promoted and have the same merchandise as the men, until that happens, we can't actually see if the product is selling.

Sarah Dingle: Joey Peters is a former vice captain of the Matildas. She retired in 2009.

Joey Peters: Before there wasn't as much pressure because no one expected much of us. Now there is a lot more and the girls have to really earn their keep.

Sarah Dingle: She says now the women cop it coming and going; they don't get paid enough, but the little they receive is constantly under threat.

Joey Peters: Now the expectation of these girls performing and if they don't then things like funds get cut or basically clubs and the W-League and the national team comes under fire. That's always the fear. That's why I think it's so brave of them to take a stand at this time. When you threaten something, there's a real cost to everything being taken away.

Sarah Dingle: Peters remembers the days when the men got a paycheck but the Matildas got nothing.

Joey Peters: When I first started, it was in '96. I debuted for Australia. There was no payment then. We actually felt privileged at that time to have our trips paid for because that's the beautiful thing about linking our histories, that you understand what the players before you did for you and went through, and how good you have it now. 1998, I think it was the first time that I actually received a paycheck for $166, and that was for one month. I hated to break it down, but it was like $40 a week.

Sarah Dingle: Over the years, Joey Peters paid to play for her country. She had a family inheritance to sustain her, but she burned through it in a couple of years. She needed a second job but found she didn't have a lot of options in the workplace.

Joey Peters: Debuting for the Matildas when I was 17, that meant that I was very young, pretty much in my last year of school. So I didn't then go on to uni, I didn't go on to a full-time job. Without many credentials it was basically the manual labour that I was able to pick up easy work through. That was the cleaning element of it and that was interesting because you're cleaning toilets and you're playing for Australia. The other thing that I'd think about when I was cleaning toilets was Harry Kewell.

Sarah Dingle: Joey Peters and Harry Kewell go back a long way.

Joey Peters: Because he was just a year older than me. We actually started in the same academy in Sydney, there was a lot of good players in this academy and so I would follow some of their careers.

Sarah Dingle: Joey Peters was capped more than 100 times as a Matilda. She's scored 28 goals for her country and played in four World Cups.

Socceroo Harry Kewell has played for international clubs Liverpool and Galatasaray, as well as the A-League. He's a millionaire.

Joey Peters: So following his journey overseas, seeing…there's a couple of 60 Minute segments where he's showing off this garage full of Ferraris and…I can't remember his favourite car, it was like a Bentley or something. That would always stay with me, was that he ended up playing for Australia the same time that I did when he was 17 and so, again, it was just those parallels that we made. We represented our country and he went overseas and became successful, and I'd just be cleaning toilets going, 'Oh, if only I was a boy, I'd be able to not have to do this and live comfortably.'

Sarah Dingle: When there was no cleaning work, Joey Peters had to line up for the dole. She says she wasn't the only Matilda in the dole queue.

Joey Peters: Yeah, so I was the vice-captain of the Matildas lining up for Centrelink. Let me tell you, the captain of Matildas was as well. I don't know if she'd like me saying it but I say it with all due respect, that Cheryl Salisbury, our greatest ever female footballer, would be lining up.

Sarah Dingle: Joey Peters learned to appreciate the small things, like the Centrelink workers.

Joey Peters: You'd have to fill in your job diaries and be accountable to making sure you're trying to get jobs. It was really nice when I'd get a couple of people that would end up saying, 'Oh don't worry about that. If we can support you in representing our country then all the best with it and don't worry too much about this.'

Sarah Dingle: But for Joey Peters, the worst of being a Matilda and still having to clean toilets or line up for the dole, was that she began to accept the situation.

Joey Peters: As a woman, as a female footballer, yeah, you do get conditioned, you get into the culture of realising, well, I can play for my country, but it's only women's football, so it's really not…it's not as good as men's.

Sarah Dingle: That's the exact opposite of what the game should be about, says former FFA executive Bonita Mersiades.

Bonita Mersiades: Football for me is about inclusion. That's why I spend a lot of time and a lot of my energy, I'm very committed to ensuring that one day we will have a world governing body that is governed with the highest levels of democracy, transparency, and accountability so the young girls and the young boys who play have absolute trust and confidence that the game is there for them and is served in their best interests, and not in the best interests of the people who are running it.

Sarah Dingle: Since leaving the Football Federation of Australia, Bonita Mersiades has become a whistle-blower over corruption in football. She's critical of the money the FFA spent in Australia's failed bid to win the 2022 FIFA men's World Cup.

Bonita Mersiades: I think the fact that FFA have paid half a million dollars to the Trinidad and Tobago Federation to upgrade a stadium shows a basic lack of judgment about what their priorities were. The money could have gone to the Matildas, it could have gone to the W-League, it could have gone to grassroots.

Sarah Dingle: The player's union says half a million dollars is double what it costs to lift all the Matildas to the annual minimum wage.

Woman: Melissa Barbieri, on behalf of Football Federation Victoria and our football community I'd like to thank you for your incredible contribution to football in Victoria.

Sarah Dingle: One month ago, Matilda Melissa Barbieri was inducted into the Football Federation of Victoria's Hall of Fame.

Woman: …you've pushed so many boundaries and inspired countless girls to play the game and to strive for excellence. It gives me great pleasure, both professionally and personally, to induct you to our hall of fame and to welcome you to the stage.

Sarah Dingle: Goalkeeper Melissa Barbieri has captained the Matildas and was the first woman in Australia to play in the professional men's competition, with Richmond FC.

One month ago, amidst ongoing uncertainty over money, she left the Matildas.

Melissa Barbieri: Retiring is probably the best option for me and my family. You get asked the question from your partner, 'At what point is enough enough?'

Sarah Dingle: Melissa Barbieri went to this year's World Cup, but she didn't have a six-month contract. Instead she was a casual, paid a daily allowance of $150.

Melissa Barbieri: The way that the national team program is set up is that there's only a certain amount of contracts, so anybody outside of that is basically a casual part-timer. If you go to camps you get paid, if you don't go to camps, you don't get paid.

Sarah Dingle: Was there any certainty there? I mean, I know you were getting a daily allowance but could that have stopped from one day to the next?

Melissa Barbieri: Oh yeah, if I didn't get selected into camps. I didn't make one tour where there was a six- or seven-week tour, which means I could have been paid for six or seven weeks, but I wasn't selected in that so I didn't get paid.

Sarah Dingle: Because she was only a casual, at least Melissa Barbieri always knew that when the Matildas left the World Cup, she was out of a job.

Melissa Barbieri: Not being on contract means you know where you stand really.

Sarah Dingle: Which is getting nothing.

Melissa Barbieri: Yeah, well, nothing is nothing.

Sarah Dingle: Barbieri became Matildas' captain in 2009, and led the team to victory when the Matildas won the 2010 Asian Cup, the first Australian team ever to do so.

Melissa Barbieri: Yeah, I mean, it wasn't a massive sort of fanfare when we got home. It wasn't like we had a tickertape parade or anything, but we had a lot of respect from our counterparts, especially from people at FFA, Football Federation of Australia, where they just sort of think, you know, this team's going places and we really need to back them going into the next World Cup because they can do some pretty awesome stuff.

Sarah Dingle: Then in 2012, she fell pregnant.

Melissa Barbieri: All those contracts kind of dried up really. I was told that they weren't being reinstated or renewed, whatever you want to call it.

Sarah Dingle: Did anyone say to you, 'We're not going to renew your contract because you're pregnant'?

Melissa Barbieri: No, nothing was said. We had a change of coach, so I never really got spoken to at all. It was almost like I'd fallen off the face of the Earth.

Sarah Dingle: But Barbieri was determined to fight her way back into the Matildas. When her daughter Holly was just six months old, Barbieri started again from scratch.

Melissa Barbieri: My first thought was, okay, now I have to play W-League. The W-League team in Victoria already has a goal keeper, so I'm going to have to find somewhere else to play. I was given a lifeline by Adelaide United, they got a new coach and someone had mentioned my name.

Sarah Dingle: Barbieri moved to Adelaide and took her baby with her. Her husband stayed in Victoria; the family couldn't afford for him to leave his job. Her mother flew in from time to time to help, and the Adelaide United family also helped care for Holly.

Melissa Barbieri: So during the day they would look after Holly while I trained at training. So I'd come, I'd have my pram, they'd take her from me. The first goal keeper coach that was there, he was there for a couple of weeks and he gave me some feedback. He's like, 'Oh, you just don't seem here. You seem like your mind is wandering.' And I'm like, 'Well, I do have a six-month-old at home and this is the first time I've…' Once I got it down pat that when I turned up to training, you know, I had to act like I didn't have a child.

Sarah Dingle: What was your pay in the W-League?

Melissa Barbieri: It was about $2,000.

Sarah Dingle: A year?

Melissa Barbieri: Yes, for the whole season.

Sarah Dingle: After two seasons with Adelaide United, in January Melissa Barbieri was called up for the Matildas' World Cup training camp.

Melissa Barbieri: I was even told, 'In all honesty, you probably won't go. We've got other goal keepers, but if you still want to come along and be part of the journey, then no problem.' I'm like, well, I'll make your job hard then.

Sarah Dingle: Barbieri trained full-time with the 40-strong team, then was amongst the top 23 sent to the World Cup. But if it's hard as a Matilda to get by on less than the minimum wage, it's even worse when you have a child.

Melissa Barbieri says she can't continue as a mother and a Matilda.

Melissa Barbieri: You know, being an elite athlete is very selfish at the best of times, so when you have a daughter, it's extra selfish. If I was like the USA team where I could bring my daughter with me and I could have nannies and I get paid so that I don't have to worry about everything else, the flights wouldn't be a problem or anything like that, I definitely would have considered playing longer but those sorts of things just take their toll really.

Sarah Dingle: The Matildas don't have any parental policy to support players, but then again, neither do the Socceroos.

Is there money in women's football?

Shaun Mooney: No. There's not a lot of money in men's football either, just to be honest.

Sarah Dingle: Shaun Mooney is a football journalist and author who's just published a book on the Australian club system.

Shaun Mooney: The W-League players train every day like a professional player would for the men's, and their whole salary cap is $150,000, and you'd be lucky to find a team that spends that amount. A lot of the clubs actually spend around that $60,000 figure, so they're earning very little amounts of money and giving full-time commitments during the course of the W-League.

Sarah Dingle: The men's equivalent of the W-League is the A-League. Their salary cap per club is currently $2.55 million, and that's not including international stars. Shaun Mooney says the A-League clubs were originally supposed to fund and run their own Women's League sides, but only half of them do.

Are all A-League clubs required to have a W-League club that they fund under the terms of their license?

Shaun Mooney: Originally yes, but there's been a fair amount of push back. To protect the A-League and to make it functioning, some clubs have said, 'No, we're not going to have a W-League team.'

Sarah Dingle: Instead they leave the running of Women's League sides to state football associations.

Shaun Mooney: The decision behind it, the method behind the madness so to speak is that they are looking at driving all the money behind the A-League to grow, to grow more money from TV deals, more money from corporate partners and so forth, which all comes into this bucket of FFA. And then once they get all this money then they can go and spend it on all these different things, which would be within that women's football.

Sarah Dingle: So the women have to wait?

Shaun Mooney: Well, yeah, that's the way that they see it.

Sarah Dingle: Last year, the men's clubs between them lost $17 million.

Shaun Mooney: At the start of the year there was all this talk that there were going to be five clubs profitable. Now it's only two. The only two clubs that are profitable are Western Sydney Wanderers and Melbourne Victory.

Sarah Dingle: A football administrator said to me that if you run at a loss to grow the men's game it's regarded as an investment, and if you run at a loss to do something for the women's game it's regarded as a loss.

Shaun Mooney: Correct.

Sarah Dingle: Is that how it is?

Shaun Mooney: Yes.

Sarah Dingle: And always has been?

Shaun Mooney: Yes.

Sarah Dingle: Shaun Mooney says the best-run W-League team in the country, Canberra United, is also the only W-League team run by a woman.

Heather Reid is the CEO of Capital Football, a fact that she says bothers some.

And a warning, very strong language follows.

Heather Reid: I've been very badly trolled and I continue to be trolled.

Sarah Dingle: When you're trolled, are they suspicious of you as a football administrator because you're a woman?

Heather Reid: Yeah, yeah. It's totally that. I'm a cunt of a CEO, I'm a fucking lezzo, I'm all sorts of things and I do nothing for the men's game and I misappropriate funds by taking it from the men's and giving it to the women's.

Sarah Dingle: In fact Canberra United doesn't have a men's team. The FFA hasn't granted Canberra an A-League licence. Instead Heather Reid focuses on her W-League team, which has a small budget, but, unlike the A-League, it breaks even.

Heather Reid: I run Canberra United on a budget of around about $300,000, with support from the ACT government, sponsors, gate receipts, et cetera.

Sarah Dingle: She says the A-League clubs cost around 30 times that amount.

Heather Reid: Well, the A-League clubs, indeed, are running $8 million, $10 million businesses, and for whatever reason they're losing money. That might be a business model that some of the owners like. On the other hand it might just be poor management.

Sarah Dingle: In the capital, the Canberra United women's side has a strong following. Every week, Heather Reid sends players to schools and runs a press conference. She says a lot more could be done to sell the Matildas.

Heather Reid: I think a lot more can be done. A lot more can be done in a positive way in terms of the marketing, and this particularly comes through the W-League more so than the Matildas. We had marketing materials in the first two seasons of the W-League. Personally, I don't think it was very appropriate stuff that was produced, but at least there were posters, there were promotions through Westfields, there was…

Sarah Dingle: What was produced? What did you find inappropriate?

Heather Reid: There were posters that had images of females, you know, we had our eight clubs, each had their representative go off to do a photo shoot, and I think to me it was far too sexualised. It was too girly. There was a series of posters in one season that actually looked like they were disco chicks on the dance floor. I don't think that's necessary these days.

Sarah Dingle: It's halftime at the Sydney FC W-League game in Wollongong. I'm sitting with Denise, Maggie and Elle.

How often do you guys come to Sydney FC games?

Maggie: All the home games, we're at every home game and the away games if we can.

Denise: Canberra, central coast, Newcastle, Adelaide this year.

Sarah Dingle: The fans say their W-League team is being undersold.

Denise: I feel like even with this game it was not really advertised that the girls were playing. Like, we got…it was like a group event thing on Facebook that said the girls are playing as the opener to the men. And we were like, oh, this is awesome. But you go and buy the ticket and it doesn't say anything about the girls playing, it's all about the men.

Sarah Dingle: Denise pays for a W-League membership, even though she doesn't have to, because she wants the club to know that the women's game counts.

Denise: That's why personally I make a point of also getting the W-League membership. You get the Sydney FC membership…you get an A-League membership and you get free entry to the W-League games. I make the point of still getting the W-League membership because I want the team to know and the club to know that I'm going for the women as well.

Sarah Dingle: Sydney FC fans put their money where their mouth is. After the Matildas went on strike, Sydney FC fans put out a call to sponsor one of their own W-League players. Dozens donated, including Liam.

Liam: I chipped in $100, and one of my friends was the bloke that started the idea, I think it's fantastic. It gives the girls a chance, gives them extra money and they get sponsored, so it's good.

Sarah Dingle: In a few weeks fans raised enough money to sponsor not one but three W-League players.

Both Liam and his friend Noel supported the Matildas' strike.

Liam: I think Gallop said that men would have to take from their bucket to fill the female's buckets. That's a good idea which if I were a male player I would probably go for, but that's for the men and the women to decide.

Noel: I think the women should make whatever money they need to. They represented our country at the last few World Cups, they've performed exceptionally well.

Sarah Dingle: And if a World Cup is the ultimate goal in football, executive Heather Reid knows who she backs.

Who's going to be first to hoist a World Cup for Australia, the Matildas or the Socceroos?

Heather Reid: The Matildas. I think the Matildas simply because I think we're a little bit further along the development line. I think the women's game has a lot more capacity for development and growth and it does come back to very early on in our conversation, Sarah, about putting more into the women's program if we had full-time players and they were able to focus purely on their football, then we would produce better football players, better technicians, smarter, more clever players, et cetera, and I think we could definitely match it with the powerhouses of Germany, USA and Japan.

Sarah Dingle: Background Briefing's co-ordinating producer is Linda McGinness, research by Anna Whitfeld, technical production by Andrei Shabunov, the executive producer is Wendy Carlisle, and I'm Sarah Dingle.

We're on Twitter at @BackgroundBrief, and my handle is @SarahDingleABC.

I should declare that my interest in this story has been spurred on by some less-than-fun conversations I've had with my brothers lately about my nieces' future sporting opportunities.

I should also declare, before anyone brings it up, that I'm not in favour of governments funding professional athletes any more than I am professional artists (ie: not at all).

If you're at all interested in following the W-League this summer, the first game is currently up on ABC iView.