Next This week is Eurovision week, so don't expect much out of me that isn't in some way related to Europe's silliest musical extravaganza. I haven't decided yet if I'll stream the UK's mid-week broadcast of the semi-finals, or wait for the SBS telecast the following weekend—I suppose it'll depend on how busy I get—but whatever the case, I'll be filling this post in as I go.
Contents
Greyed out countries failed to qualify for the finals.1. Semi Final 1
Finland
I don't know what happened with this one, but something sounded off about it. Maybe it was nerves … and maybe it was just a little bit rubbish.
Greece
This one was a lot rubbish. They tried to salvage it at the end by having a bloke rip his shirt off, but frankly, it was too little too late. Probably the worst act of the night—so I was amazed it didn't go through to the final.
Moldova
Things finally get underway with a decent song and a break-dancing, back-flipping astronaut. Saddly not enough to get it over the line though.
Hungary
This bloke needed to decide whether he wanted his shirt tucked into his pants or not. The 50/50 look just wasn't cutting it. Also, the drummer in the background stole the show. The song wasn't terrible though.
Croatia
They obviously put more work into the costume than the song with this one. Having said that, it is a pretty impressive frock. And obviously I'm not the only person who thought so.
Netherlands
Remember The Eagles song, "Take it Easy"? This is basically a dull cover version of that.
Armenia
After Sweden won last year by masking a fairly average song with a super-imaginative light show, it should have been obvious that several other countries would try the same stunt this year. At one point, this sheila had several holographic copies of herself dancing on stage with her. The song was okay, but nothing overly wonderful.
San Marino
This bloke's Leonard Cohen impression was one of the highlights of the night. I actually got a little bit pissy when he didn't go through.
Russia
Hands down, the most ridiculously over-the-top light show of the night. This blew every other country out of the water and made what Sweden did last year look quaint. No surprise that Russia is favourite to win this year. As for the song, I thought it was kind of rubbish.
Czech Republic
*Yawn* Yeah, it was okay. I suppose. It was no bloody San Marino though, I can tell you that.
Cyprus
About time we got something with a bit of a rockin' vibe to it. Of all the acts that went through to the finals tonight, I think this might have been my favourite—so expect them to finish somewhere around last place then.
Austria
This sounded like something you'd find on the end credits of a French-dubbed animated film. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't particularly memorable either.
Estonia
This kid didn't have much going for him other than his voice (and maybe his looks). Having said that, I would have probably put him through on that alone. It was more than the Netherlands had.
Azerbaijan
Another ordinary song accompanied by a light-show that would have looked impressive if it hadn't come after Russia. As it stands, the only thing we're left with is how idiotic one of the dancers looked.
Montenegro
I haven't got a fuckin' clue what this was supposed to be. It sounds like somebody took a bridge out of a rock song they really liked, and tried to make a whole new song out of just that … and failed. The whole time it feels like it's building up to a song but never actually gets there. Oh well, at the very least I can congratulate Montenegro for trying something different and … interesting?
Iceland
The procession of amazing light-shows continues. This sheila fell to pieces, got chased around by giant shadowy hands, and then blew smoke out of her tits. Of all the visual-heavy acts, this one definitely had the best actual song to go with it (it might have even been the best song of the night); so of course, it was the only one that didn't go through to the finals.
Bosnia & Herzegovina
I thought Greece were clear favourites for the wooden-spoon until I saw this. I do love the cello, and the duet parts are good, but at any point where there's only one person singing … it's just shite.
Malta
It's nice to be able to finish on a high note. One of the best songs of the evening. And it went through! Will wonders never cease.
Can't say I was blown away by what was on offer tonight, but at least a couple of the acts I liked went through to the finals. I have to say my eyebrow cocked when I heard one of the hosts say during the opening, "Grab your towels as we all come together." I might just have my mind in the gutter, but is there even an innocent way to interpret that?
2. Semi Final 2
So, I got a call on Friday (I think) that one of my sister-in-law's rellies had had a stoke, and I was needed for urgent baby-sitting duty. Therefore, I ended up watching the second semi-final with a bunch of rug-rats. They weren't all that keen at first, but once they found out it was a contest and Australia was competing, they suddenly all got very interested.
Latvia
This bloke had nice hair and a nice jacket. Oh, and the chorus part of his song was okay too.
Poland
This bloke looked a bit like what's-his-name, from the Pirates of The Carribean movies, only slightly more expressive and life-like (the bloke from the movies is starting to get that wax-dummy look about him). Another okay song that failed to stand out from the crowd.
Switzerland
Despite the blue-haired, bare-footed woman with the transparent skirt, everything about this just screamed "bland".
Israel
If Jay Leno and Boy George had a son who liked wearing glittery hobo gloves, I imagine he'd look something like this bloke. I did like the acrobats. It's just a shame the song didn't have a little bit more going for it.
Belarus
Now this was a performance worthy of Eurovision. When this bloke wasn't completely nude, he was wearing pants that made his hips look a mile wide and face-paint that looked like streaks of bird shit; a virtual band comprised of several holographic projections of himself played in the background; and he sang a fairly catchy, vaguely '80s sounding song about wanting to teach a wolf how to fly. Either he was a completely deluded egomaniac, or a bloke with a sense of humour who didn't mind being the but of the joke, so long as the audience was entertained. Either way, my hat is off to you Belarus.
Serbia
A serious song about the serious subject of domestic violence. I just wish it hadn't been so dull.
Ireland
Was this song about marriage equality? In any case, it was a little bit too "boy band" for my liking.
Macedonia
This poor woman obviously thought she was singing at a proper concert. A beautiful performance of a beautiful song that just didn't belong at Eurovision. Not in 2016, anyway.
Lithuania
I'm convinced this was the same bloke who sang for Latvia using a different name, a less cool jacket, and a less interesting song. He did do a pretty cool flip in the middle though.
Australia
I really liked the music in this one. In fact, I might even rate it third or fourth for the whole competition. Of course, the *ahem* highly impartial kiddies I was watching with thought that "Dummy M" was miles better than everyone else and should have won in a landslide. It was heart-breaking to see them get crushed at the end of the scoring in the final.
Slovenia
Slovenia was my top pick last year. This year, not so much. It wasn't terrible though. I could almost say I liked it. But not quite. It had a slight country twang to it; oh, and another acrobat.
Bulgaria
Easily the best outfit of the competition. Also, a week on, I'm now calling it as the best song. I cannot get this out of my head.
Denmark
Did I say Ireland sounded a little bit too boy-band-y? Sorry Ireland, it seems I owe you an apology.
Ukraine
Last year, France did a song that could have been retitled "Fuck Germany". This year we've got "Fuck Russia". Nobody in my lounge room liked this song. The kiddies thought it was miserable and I kind of agreed.
Norway
I didn't mind this, but the verse parts and the chorus parts kind of sounded like two different songs that didn't quite belong together.
Georgia
Amazingly, this blew away everything from semi-final 1 in the race for the wooden-spoon. Everything about this looked and sounded terrible. In fact, it might just be the worst act I've ever seen at Eurovision. Ever. At least that's something, I suppose.
Albania
Zzzzz, Zzzzzz, Zzzzzz.
Belgium
Even though they stuck to their story about liking Australia the best, this one actually had the kids up and dancing. Jesus, I wish I'd been quick enough to get them on tape. You can probably imagine what Terra looked like doing these moves in her jamy shorts.
3. Grand Final
Sweden
See my comments about Albania. then add more 'Zzzzz's.
France
Interesting that part of this song was in English. I guess they thought they could relax a little since Austria's song was completely in French. It wasn't terrible and the bloke was certainly easy on the eyes.
Germany
Well … at least it looked interesting. Actually, the girl looked a bit like Lina what's-her-face, who won for Germany with that Satellite song a few years ago—only dressed as an anime character. I wonder if they're from the same part of the country? A pity the song wasn't as good.
Italy
Another snoozer. The water effects on the stage were pretty neat though.
Spain
Not a bad little song. I notice though that this is at least the third act to feature a woman doing that wierd knock-knee dancing. Is this a new thing the kids are doing now? Well, if it means I no longer have to look at eight-year-olds grinding their crotches suggestively, I'm all for it.
United Kingdom
Did I give Denmark shit for sounding like a boy band? I take it back Denmark. At least you sounded like a fun and upbeat boy band.
The kids were so fuckin' excited to see if "Dummy M" would win, they got me up at 5AM to watch the finals live on Sunday morning. Well, we all know how that turned out. Terra went ballistic when "that awful song" from the Ukraine pipped her at the very end.
Just to wrap things up, I thought I'd share my top ten picks along with how they actually did. (DNQ = Did Not Qualify)
| # | My Top Ten | Rank | Points |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bulgaria | 4 | 307 |
| 2 | San Marino | DNQ | - |
| 3 | Cyprus | 21 | 96 |
| 4 | Australia | 2 | 511 |
| 5 | Iceland | DNQ | - |
| 6 | Belgium | 10 | 181 |
| 7 | Macedonia | DNQ | - |
| 8 | Norway | DNQ | - |
| 9 | Belarus | DNQ | - |
| 10 | Malta | 12 | 153 |
Well, that's Eurovision, I guess. See you all next year.
2 comments :
Boy I found it hard to see the "post comment" button on this page. Unsure why.
This year's Eurovision was a big MEH for me, for the most part. Perhaps it's because last year was pretty much awesome, and this looks worse by contrast. I am not a big fan of the power ballad so I was unhappy with the winner, I just did not get into it at all. I liked (in no particular order) Disco Leonard Cohen, Russia (don't shoot me), Israel, Spain and Iceland. I also quite like the Netherlands offering only because it was different. And the bouncy Austrian chick singing in french was fun too.
I was disappointed with Dami Im. not because she's not great, but the SONG. SOOOOOO BORING. WHY? I would choose to listen to Guy Sebastian's offering last year 1000 times before I would choose to listed to that shite twice. I hope next year they do choose Tina Arena, as was rumoured this year. She's at least living in Europe, so a good connection there and an accomplished experienced entertainer, not a fly-in that nobody has heard of (like Dami - Who was she anyway?)
Apologies for neglecting this post (and the whole blog) for over a week. I am adding details to the second half now.
Suze, Maybe the comment link was hard to find because you had to scroll a mile to get to it?
I had also never heard of Dami, but that's not surprising, since I don't know anything about pop music these days. However, I actually really liked her music. I could see myself listening to an instrumental version of it as a regular thing. My love of electro-pop is well documented here.
Spain was okay and Iceland and San Marino were robbed, but Israel, Netherlands and Austria did little for me. The one song that I have found myself listening to over and over, surprisingly; Bulgaria. I think, for me, Bulgaria is to this year what Slovenia was to 2015. So bloody catchy.
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