I can't remember when or how I discovered the Eurovision song contest—probably in the '90s, while flicking through channels. I do remember why I kept watching it: Terry Wogan's pisser commentary. It was the perfect recipe—this colourful, flashy, hyperactive, and over-the-top lovefest, narrated by a snide pom who sounded like he'd rather be anywhere else—Eurovision quickly became an unmissable night of comedy for me.
But all that changed in 2006.
Ironically, just before Wogan left, I had a breakthrough which made me appreciate the show in its own right. Don't get me wrong, there's not a year goes by when I don't find myself laughing at the grand absurdity of it all, it's just that now there's a deeper sense of enjoyment to it as well.
I don't know exactly why 2006 was special—well, obviously I know one reason—2006 is the year everyone remembers, because it's the year the rubber-suited, heavy-metal monsters from Finland won—and yes, that's definitely a part of it—but I think there's more to it than just that. I suspect that what made 2006 special wasn't just how unusual Finland's entry was, it's how unusual and diverse the acts were collectively.
So join me, won't you, as I explore my little theory by taking a trip back to the year when I became a true Eurovision tragic.
This one might be my personal favourite, and nicely encapsulates the whole night in a single performance. It's an Australian singer fronting a German country group called Texas Lightning—and I defy you not to be tapping your foot by the end of it.
I'm convinced that one of the lines this girl sings is "my panties on fire"; however, that couldn't possibly be true, because we can all clearly see that they're not.
I question whether break-dancers were completely fitting for a song like this, but it's a catchy little number, with or without them. I still find myself humming the chorus from time to time.
Here they are; the stars of the night, and possibly the most famous act in recent years—at least until Conchita's bearded lady routine. Since you all know I don't mind a bit a metal, it should come as no surprise that I've got a soft spot for this one.
If memory serves, the title of this song translates to "Elf Dance". Note however, that there are neither elves nor dancing on display here.
I can't help but wonder whether this act might be considered a little too risqué for present-day Turkey under Erdoğan. That thought would probably make me sad if the song didn't make me want to get up and dance instead.
I can't believe people booed this. Did they not get the joke, or does the rest of Europe just think that Lithuanians are all arseholes?
Swedish Shania Twain battles the wind machine from hell. Actually, I fuckin' love this song. There's a line near the start which sounds like, "Love is like America, invading your heart". It changes the meaning of every other line in the song completely.
I spent the whole song hoping a light-saber battle would break out at some point. I have to imagine they had one the moment they got off the stage?
Pregnant; rapping; masked; green-haired; piano-playing; matador; women waving jester heads—seriously, what more could you ask for?
Featuring traditional Albania bagpipes. … wait, what?
I can almost imagine people singing this in the pub after a game of footy … or a round of caber toss; or whatever the fuck they do for fun in Croatia. Also, I applaud anyone who can dance like that in those heels.
Worth watching just for the back-up singer who appears at the end. Almost a … proto-Conchita … maybe …?
The only thing you really need to know about this is that Silvia Night is a character played by an Icelandic comedienne. Apparently, the majority of Europe was not in on the joke. She caused quite a stir by alleging that Sweden's entrant had qualified for the final by sleeping with the head of the EBU.
Hey, it's those four sisters who had that one big hit—The Salsa Song—or whatever it was called. And they're sitting in office chairs. Accompanied by some sort of punk ballet thing. Or something. Actually, I really rather like this one.
I think this is two sisters and their music teacher. Well, whatever it is, it sounds almost sickeningly happy.
I can't decide which era this reminds me of the most. It's kinda like watching old sci-fi, where everything's both futuristic and retro at the same time. In any case, it fuckin' works. I love the song, love the outfits, love the hip-shaky dance, even love the singer's adorable little facial expressions. Did I mention how much I loved it?
If you listen carefully, this song tells a story … and that story is fucking stupid. However, there is a dancer, whom I'm guessing is named Johnny … and Johnny fucking rocks.
perfectly demonstrates why the French Riviera is celebrated for its traditional Polynesian music and culture.
Have we had any a cappella yet tonight? Well, we've got some now; along with some … uh … tiny, robot, puppet, action?
Alright, that'll do, I think we've answered the question. This isn't every song from 2006, but it should give you a fair idea of what made this year so special. I just hope you enjoyed our little stroll down memory lane as much as I did. I really can't believe it's been ten years. It almost makes you feel old, doesn't it?
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