A Little Bit Cuntry

Believe it or not, I've had country music on-and-off my mind ever since last month's Halloween party. Dug out a few old albums; even tried streaming a few of the local stations. Sounds torturous, doesn't it? Well, yes and no.

It'll probably come as a surprise—to exactly no one—to hear that I listened to A LOT of country music growing up. In fact, for a number of years, it was probably THE ONLY thing I listened to—y'know—products of our environment and all that. Now, I'm sure some of you are horrified by the prospect of growing up on an all-country diet—and frankly—I don't blame you. Especially if, when you think about country, what pops into your head looks and sounds anything like this …

… or this …

… which—let's be honest—are really just male and female version of the same fuckin' hideous song.

Oh, and let's not forget the Aussie equivalent, which is equally fuckin' hideous and looks and sounds like this …

If you listened to all three of those songs from state to finish, I'm going to have to assume you're some sort of masochist—especially if you watched the videos as well. Sadly however, that shite is exactly what you'll get if you go to your wireless and tune in any country music station.

But that's not how I remember things being in my day …

In my day, the undisputed king of country music, or as we called it—music, was the one and only Slim Dusty.

It's hard to describe just how big Slim was amongst certain populations at that time—so I'm not even going to try. Suffice to say that if you even so much as touched a guitar in those days, you could bank on the fact that somebody was going to ask you to play "Pub With No Beer".

… But of course, even the most die-hard fans need a little variety; so, aside from John Williamson who arrived on the scene in the mid-late '80s …

… American singers were also quite popular. For instance, Lee & Nancy …

… Kenny …

… Dolly …

… and—of course—John, Willie, Waylon, & Kris (who thoughtfully teamed up for a bit; meaning I don't have to mention them separately).

Okay, so one of the problems I have when discussing music is that I possess neither the knowledge nor the vocabulary to express myself properly; so you might have to use your imagination a bit here. What I'm going to put to you—dear reader—is that if you listen to the older songs which I've posted above, you can hear a distinct commonality to the way they sound—enough so, that you can easily see why they'd be lumped together under a single descriptive label. But I also put it to you that—collectively—they're different enough from the boot-scootin' abomination that is contemporary country, that the two groups should in fact be classified as two completely separate genres. I am therefore proposing that modern country be renamed to something else. At this point I haven't figured out what exactly. "Redneck Rock" is about the best I can come up with.

Whay say ye?*

*Okay, okay; I know that what you're probably actually saying is, "I don't give a shit Alex! Talk about something interesting!"; but c'mon, just humour me, 'ay?