I've been away

The contents of this blog post have mostly been cleaved from an email conversation I've been having with Melba. Sorry Melbs, there's nothing here that you haven't already read.

I came back from holiday a few days ago. All of the posts that have been posted here for the past several weeks were written over a month ago, and set to auto-post. I've checked in a couple of times, but only to respond to comments.

So, where have I been? Basically, my parents noticed I wasn't doing so well, and convinced me to have some time off, and go and visit one of my Aunties who lives out in Western NSW. She and her husband are about 80 years old, and own a house with a yard the size of a decent sized city block. The house itself is huge, and sprawling, with many, many bedrooms, and a dining area that can easily accommodate thirty people. Behind the house, is a gigantic shed, that basically has a second house built inside one end of it. Their many children own and operate a number of farms and businesses around the local area, and their many, many grandchildren work for said farms and businesses. Their house operates as a central hub, from which people are constantly dropping in and out, having a meal, spending the night, dropping off or picking up children or goods, etc, etc. Basically, I've just spent the past month living in what you might describe as a family commune.

And I loved it.

I didn't think I would, considering I'm used to living on my own, but I really loved it.

One thing I noticed (and found quite funny) was how "tribal" the gender divide was. The house was women and children territory. Men and older boys were basically relegated to the shed, except when eating, or sleeping, or fixing something. The women handled all of the cooking and cleaning, and were fiercely protective of their roles. If men came over to the house and tried to cook or wash something, they were quickly shooed away, and told they were getting underfoot. All of the women worked in family enterprises, and none of them had a career outside of what their spouses did. Having and raising children was top priority. Still, I wasn't made to feel like an odd duck. In fact, my ability to fix problems with computers made me a little bit of a celebrity.

Normally, the only kids I interact with are my brothers', and it felt good to pass on my knowledge and life-experience to a whole different bunch of girls and young women. And spending time coddling the really little kids fed something inside me too. But that's kind of what it was all about y'know; a house full of females, aged 0 to 80, chatting, passing on wisdom and knowledge, and generally helping each other out ... oh, and basically managing their menfolk like livestock.

I dunno how to put this, but a lot of the time it kinda felt like I was being true to nature. Like, this was how my monkey ancestors evolved to live, and it was satisfying primal instincts buried in my DNA. I dunno if I'd still feel the same if I had to live that way day in and day out for years, but as it stands now, I feel refreshed and recharged. And I definitely plan to go back at some point in the near future.

And here's something else you might find interesting.

Some of my cousins are running farms or businesses, that look like they might go under, due to the drought; yet none of them seem to be particularly stressed about it. During the whole time I was there, I didn't witness a single serious argument; there was no bitching, or sniping; and despite all the gossip, nobody was complaining about their fella in a way that would suggest relationship problems. It was all very, very laid back.

The only thing I can put it down to is that nobody seemed to have any personal investment in their work, besides making enough money to provide for their kids. And since there was this feeling that if anyone actually went bust, the extended family would provide them with whatever they needed (including employment) until they got back on their feet, there wasn't really anything to worry about. It was like everyone was waltzing through life with this incredible safety net. I guess that must be how a lot of really rich people feel, too.

Actually, that's not the only explanation I can think of. I've gotten to wondering if the whole concept of the nuclear family as an insular entity might actually be antithetical to human nature. When I was younger, all of my relationships seemed to fall apart soon after I started living with the bloke, day-in and day-out in the same house. What's that saying about familiarity breeding contempt ... and then alcoholism? Maybe if we'd had somewhere we could piss-off to on a regular basis - where we could share a bed, but not a living space - things would have worked out differently.

Who knows.