Friday, 17 August 2018

There but for the grace of god …

I got a call from my mum this evening. My parents are travelling again at the moment, visiting all the 'lations, doing the grey nomad thing. So anyway, after the usual pleasantries, this came up:

We dropped in on cousin Joan today.
Oh yeah, how'd that go?
… Hmmm, well, if you wanna see her again, I suggest you visit in the near future, 'cause I dunno how long she's gonna be around for.
Jesus, I didn't even know she was sick. What's wrong with her?
You remember how big she was?
Yeah …
Well, she's twice that size now, maybe more.
Bloody hell.
Yeah, it's not good. We were talking to Shirley—apparently all she does is sit on the lounge and eat. She has a walker that she uses to get to the toilet, but she's gotten to the point where she's too big to clean herself properly.
Fuckin' hell. So, is Shirley doin' that for her then?
Yeah.
So, where's all this food comin' from that she's eatin'? Is Shirley buyin' it?
No, see, apparently Joan has an arrangement with the taxi driver. She rings him up and tells him what she wants and he goes and gets it and brings it around for her. Shirley reckons that she and Dave have talked about taking her phone off her, but they haven't been able to bring themselves to do it yet.
Understandable. I imagine that wouldn't be an easy thing ta do ta ya mum.
Yeah, plus they don't wanna leave her without any way to contact anyone if there's an emergency.
Right, right, yeah. Have they got any other plans then?
Doesn't sound like it. I think they're waiting for her to have a heart-attack or a stroke or something, so they can bung her into hospital.
Would that make a difference? The way the hospitals are these days, they'd be sendin' her back home as soon as she was stable, wouldn't they? I mean, it's not like they'd keep her around, tyin' up a bed while she lost weight, I wouldn't think.
No, that's true. I dunno what they're gonna do. But anyway, that's the situation, so if you wanna see her again …
Don't waste too much time doin' it. Right.

If you're wondering about the taxi thing, it's actually a long standing tradition in rural communities that are big enough to have a taxi service. Taxi drivers will deliver groceries to old people who are too infirm to leave the house, and they will also frequently deliver grog to parties where everybody is too pissed to drive (much to the annoyance of many community elders). In fact, in some towns—especially those that you can walk across in under twenty minutes—this is the bulk of what taxi drivers do.

My family has its fair share of big women, and I know myself, how quickly and easily your weight can creep up on you. But even still, I can't imagine being in a state of mind where you were that far gone and still weren't concerned with turning things around. Even when I was massive, I always had a limit in my head. I was always determined that I would never get so big that there would be parts of my body that I couldn't wash. If you've never been big, that might be a strange thing to hear someone say, but that's how it was; and thankfully, I did manage to turn things around. So when I hear about cousin Joan, I dunno how to feel. "Fortunate", maybe.

Here's a question: At what stage do you categorise it as a mental illness? It seems everything else is a mental illness these days.

3 comments :

suze2000 said...

Or depression. Or and eating disorder and depression. Or she just likes eating and doesn't care about what happens next. When I was depressed (the first time), first I stopped eating, then I ate like there was no tomorrow. That was how I got fat in the first place. I lost the weight, but of course, modern medicine now understands that once you've been fat, your body will spend the rest of your life fighting you with hormones and neurotransmitters to get back to its top weight. Which is fucking unfair of our bodies, and also makes it even more fucking unfair that society judges people simply for being fat, and praises people just for being naturally thin.

I agree with you about the size limit though - if I can't wipe my own bum, that's it, I'm off to get a lap band. But I'm not even close to that stage (or I've got a good reach, haha), even at 110kg (I think, I have no idea, I measure my size by how my clothes are fitting, and guess what? Good news I think the new drug regime has made me less keen to eat. It's certainly made me less keen on booze - I'm almost completely off wine, and down to half a drink a night, usually gin and tonic that's mostly tonic. I've not bothered looking up the drug I'm on, thinking ignorance is bliss kinda thing, except to check on the booze thing, which was be careful, the effects can be unpredictable, but so far no probs there). Anyway, there's a lot let snacking going on, and the meals I've been eating have been smaller, and with less booze going in I'm sure there's going to be less of me soon, without making a big scene about actually dieting. Your info about low/no carbing was taken in and mirrors what a couple of my friends who are keto feel about it, but my big problem is that without a carb dinner, I wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep for hunger. (I usually fix this with a glass of milo currently, but it's a PITA to get to the point where I'm willing to get up and make it).

The fattest woman I ever knew died suddenly last year at 49. I think she'd been abused as a child and just ate and ate and ate. When I met her she'd had two kids and weighed (I'd guess) 200kg and was on disability pension. Actually she'd made so many great changes in her life in the time I knew her and she was such an amazing heart, her death was a tragedy. She was in the process of losing weight and saving up so she could have gastric sleeve surgery, which I found ironic - they wouldn't do the surgery on her if she wasn't thinner! In the US there's doctors that are more enlightened and realise that you wouldn't be asking for the surgery if weight loss wasn't an ordeal for you, and also that there's a point where you'll die if you don't get the surgery anyway. I know a few people who've had successful lap bands and I also know someone who had very successful hypnotic lap band surgery. Yes she was hypnotised into believing she only had a pouch for a stomach and that worked for her to lose her excess weight (unfortunately not permanent - the hypnosis seems to wear off and has to be renewed, but if it works, it sounds a lot safer than having the lap band). Anyway all that's to say, my friend was very fat for a very long time before it caught up with her, so unless your cousin is actually old, it might take longer than your parents might think to kill her (assuming she's not an uncontrolled diabetic or has vascular disease or anything).

squib said...

I don't know at what point an addiction is classified as a mental illness but anyway you can't take smokes off an adult with emphysema just like you can't starve a person. Otherwise you risk losing all freedom

Milo makes me hyper-awake like I can't drink it after midday even though there's no caffeine in it. I know I've said this before but the only time I stacked on a lot of weight was when I drank too much wine. I've probably also said this too - when I stopped drinking wine and lost a lot of weight, people kept congratulating me like I'd won a fucking Oscar. That really got on my nerves

Alex said...

Or depression. Or and eating disorder and depression. Or she just likes eating and doesn't care about what happens next.

Don't they class depression as a mental illness now?

I don't know at what point an addiction is classified as a mental illness but anyway you can't take smokes off an adult with emphysema just like you can't starve a person. Otherwise you risk losing all freedom

Well, you wouldn't let a person with severe dementia just do whatever they wanted, would you? So, where do you draw the line? There's also the issue of self-afflicted illness vs publicly-funded health care. I'm not really making an argument here; I just want to hear people's views on this stuff.

As far as cultural attitudes are concerned, I'm not particularly interested in celebrating thinness, but I very much agree with celebrating fitness. And I'm totally against the fat-acceptance movement and the idea of celebrating all kinds of body shapes. It makes about as much sense to me as trying to glamorise smoking, or alcohol abuse.

Suze, in my experience, if you can get through the hell zone and actually make it into ketosis, you should find that the sleep issues clear up within a week or two. And here's a little tip if you do decide to take the plunge: You'll know you're starting to go into ketosis when your sweat, breathe, urine, etc, all start to smell faintly of paint thinner. Apparently, this is due to your body producing excess acetone, and it goes away after you complete the transition.