*sigh* I suppose this was inevitable, but it's not like I've got anything better to talk about tonight …
I was fiddling with a computer today, while catching up on my news podcasts, and amongst a whole bunch of stories regarding the fallout from the Harvey Weinstein debacle, there was this one about Kevin Spacey "attempting to rape" an underage boy. First of all, I'd like to say that my opinions on this matter are specific to this one story as it was presented to me and should not be applied to any other version of the story or any other story about Spacey or anybody else. Here's what I heard: Eighteen year old "boy" approaches Spacey in a pub; Spacey buys this "kid" drinks all night long; at the end of the night, Spacey goes the grope; the boy leaves; end of story.
Call me old fashioned, but even when I was eighteen, I understood that if I let a bloke buy me drinks all night, at some point there was going to be a hand somewhere. I'm not saying that anyone who accepts a drink from someone is obligated to fuck them, but when you accept drink after bloody drink, you're sending a message that there's some interest there, and so naturally, at some point, that person is going to try to advance things—at which point you can accept or reject said advance. Calling this attempted rape seems so over the top to me that it completely boggles my mind. Believe it or not, I'm not particularly in favour of trying to engineer a society that is so sterile and robotic that all forms of physical contact have to be preceded by explicit and enthusiastic verbal consent from a non-intoxicated second party. Think I'm being hyperbolic? Well, this story was followed by an interview with a feminist academic who enlightened me on the types of male behaviour which constitute rape culture:
- Looking at women in a sexual manner.
- Talking about women in a sexual manner.
- Touching women in any way without explicit and enthusiastic verbal consent.
- Escalating a sexual situation without explicit and enthusiastic verbal consent.
- Engaging in sexual acts with women who have consumed drugs or alcohol, regardless of how enthusiastic or explicit their consent might be.
Putting aside the fact that there seems to be a bit of a disconnect between this and the homosexual encounter described in the story, I kept waiting for her to pepper her rhetoric with some nuance; but nope, these rules are supposedly meant to apply across the board. Ever tried to have drunk sex with your husband/boyfriend *cough*? Apparently you've been sexually assaulted, and are the victim of rape culture.
2 comments :
I tend to agree that an unwanted pass does not constitute attempted rape. But we've all been in the position where a guy we weren't really that into has stuck his tongue down your throat and then struggled to accept your emphatic "NO WAY".
And that some women's POVs are actually making the narrative worse.
That's true, we've all had that experience; but I don't think we're going to make things better by over-regulating human contact.
I think "no means no" is good enough. We don't also need "non-verbal reciprocation means no" and "yes sometimes means no if it's had a few drinks or isn't quite eager enough".
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