Day 113: A visit from cousin Paul

So, I've got this cousin—let's call him Jim—who owns a pub out at Whoop-Whoop. He mostly employs family members, including his daughter—whom we'll call Leigh—and his nephew—whom we'll call Paul—who is also my cousin. Well, this weekend I had Paul staying with me. He spent most of that time sitting out on my patio, drinking rum and cola, and chain-smoking rollies. I spent most of that time nuking Jim's virus-and-porn-riddled work laptop. As I worked, we chatted.

Long way to come to get a laptop scrubbed.

Mmm, I was happy to get away for a few days.

Yeah? Why's that?

Ya haven't heard what's goin' on with Leigh?

Nuh.

Ah, she's all fucked up on wizza, mate. Keeps stealin' from the pub. Poor old Jim doesn't know what to do with her. … Oh, and she's supportin' this dead-shit lazy black bastard of a boyfriend who's even more fucked up on wizza. That's not helpin' things.

How long's that been going on?

The bloke or the stealin'?

Both

… Couple years with the bloke, I guess … few months with the stealin'.

Well, at least she's not pregnant. I definitely woulda heard about that.

Hmmmph. That'll be the next thing, no doubt.

Jim's not plannin' to give her the arse, I take it?

He hasn't yet, but I imagine he's gonna break at some point.

Hmmm. So what's the amphetamine situation like out there these days? I see it's all over the news here.

Ah, it's shockin' mate; every man an' his dog's pinging outta their tree there now. Mind you, that and the pokies are the only things keepin' the pub runnin' these days.

Hmm? Wha', ya mean the meth-heads are also heavy drinkers?

Ha, nah. Haven't ya heard about that one either?

'bout what?

Shit, cuz, you are outta the loop … Old Uncle Jimmy's the biggest dealer in town these days.

… What!?

Yep. No bullshit.

… … … fuckin' hell …

Although only about thirty five, Paul now looks like a man in his fifties. Grey hair and everything.